1. I hate you. We may have only talked a handful of times, but I hate ever bone in your entire body.
2. He loved me first.
3. That time I met you and was being extremely nice? I wanted to tell you to take off that fucking flannel because you looked hideous.
4. I would rather listen to an entire album by Rebecca Black than hear your voice.
5. Your sorority sucks just as much as you do.
6. You’re so not photogenic; you should really stop posting such revolting Instagrams.
7. His family wont love you nearly as much as they loved me. That’s right, I have his grandma on lock. She still emails me and when we talk in person she tears up.
8. I hope he gets you a really shitty gift for your birthday.
9. Better yet I hope he gives you a gym membership for Christmas.
10. If I had to compare you to anything it would be Satan’s pet rat.
11. Im so much better in bed than you.
12. All of his friends talk shit about you to me, and I love every second of it.
13. Im on speaking terms with him and guess what? He never mentions you.
14. I’m literally counting down the days until your relationship fails and I will laugh when it does.