I’m A Dude And Here Are 10 Honest Reasons Why I Won’t Date You

No, it’s not because you’re a slut or a prude or a fatty. Despite guys getting a bad rap for being shallow, I’m here to give you a daily dose of realness from a person with a penis.

1. Because you are mean to your friends.

You talk to me about other girls (that are supposed to be your friends) like they are the scum of the earth. I have heard you call at least 3 of your girlfriends ‘sluts’ and a handful more ‘bitches’. It’s just not becoming. And this leads me to my next point…

2. Because you say you’re a feminist, but you go around judging people for their life decisions.

I know I don’t have the mystical powers of having a vagina and understanding what feminism is really about, but I thought feminism was supposed to be about validating any lifestyle decisions a woman wants to make and putting them on the same level playing-field as men. I am cool with that. But, it seems a little off-kilter to me when you are preaching about the sisterhood, and you have no respect for people of your sex that didn’t make the same life decisions as you. So what, she became a legal prostitute instead of becoming a doctor? So what, she is a bartender instead of a prolific writer? That doesn’t make you any better or more feminist than she is. Am I the only one that is deeply confused by this?

3. Because you not only have body insecurity issues about yourself, but you push them onto other people.

This is the worst. I have met the thinspiration Tumblr type at parties and in college, and they aren’t someone that I am even remotely interested in being with. You can be the most beautiful girl in the world on the outside, but so long as you are convincing other people that they aren’t beautiful enough with your Instagram bikini pictures and quotes about being thin, you are nothing but trouble to me.

4. Because you are hyper-sensitive about political issues.

Okay, there are always going to be people that aren’t pro-abortion. There are always going to be people that believe that women’s place is in the household and that girls are nothing but baby-making machines. That does not mean that I’m going to go out on a limb and tell them to shut the hell up and yell “revoke the first amendment”, because you don’t agree. Be a woman that condones intelligent conversation and respectful debate instead of lambasting a group of people because you don’t agree with them. Or it will get you nowhere but stuck in a cycle of hate.

5. Because you make fun of me, but sometimes mean it.

I appreciate self-depreciation, but I don’t appreciate a lack of respect.  I will always love you and care for your emotional needs in an attitude of mutual respect; but it makes it easier when those things are reciprocated. I am not going to be that asshole that grabs a girl’s love handles and makes a joke about getting ‘fluffy’ ten years down the road. And I would hate it if you did the same to me. Some things are hurtful to joke about along both sex lines – including jokes about weight, emotional being, and job title.

6. Because you are always talking about your big plans but you aren’t doing anything about them.

I work everyday at what I want. I am constantly researching the best plan-of-action where I want to be. I need someone who is on the same page, not someone who is going to pull me back.

7. Because you are jealous of my family.

This seems kind of ridiculous. I have heard from women that sometimes it’s easy to get jealous of a guy’s mom or sister that they have a close relationship with. I have also dated people that have embraced my family and wanted to become as close to them as I am. I love that. When you are secure enough to not want to horn in family relationships but still desire that type of connection with them yourself, that is the best.

8. Because you don’t want to live your own life.

This is similar to point #6, but a little bit more complicated. You should want to live your own life independently of me. You need to keep your friends (and not be mean to them, duh) and have a sense of direction aside from our relationship.

9. Because you are self-indulgent.

Now, I may get a few mean quips for this one, but you simply cannot go around living like Lena Dunham in Girls. She has a great sense of humor, but coping mechanisms are extremely important to living a relatively stable life. You can’t just go around eating an entire birthday cake when you’re sad or laying in bed for a week-and-a-half. I’m not calling you fat or lazy by saying this, I am just saying that it’s healthier to have good life habits to fall back on.

10. Because you don’t believe in yourself.

This is something that I can’t fix. I can’t live my life being someone else’s lifeline. You need to find comfort in being yourself before you can ever enter a non-dependent, adult relationship.