I once dated this guy, who I inevitably fell in love with. To this day, I can’t really place a finger on why I loved him so much or why I gave so much to him.
I fell so hard for him, so fast. Things were amazing in the beginning, but like most good things, it eventually came to an end — and our honeymoon phase was just a fleeting memory. He no longer seemed to try with me because he got too comfortable. After a while, I KNEW I could do better, but I never left. Love did not make me blind, it made me settle. I noticed all the things he could have done for me and I noticed all the things he never did for me. I, my readers, settled. Hard.
Every goddamn day for god knows how long, I thought to myself, “Maybe if I give him my all and stay, he’ll realize what he has and he’ll be better.” He never got better. We’d argue about it, and all I got were empty promises and smeared mascara. Still, I never left because I settled with this unrequited effort-type lifestyle.
His effort, or lack thereof, made me think. A lot. So what if he never got me a birthday present? There’s always next year, right? So what if he doesn’t take me out on dates anymore? Eating Del Taco in his room while he watches Fringe is just as good. So what if he’d rather smoke weed with the boys than spend quality time with me? It’s fine, maybe he’ll realize he’s being a shitty boyfriend and he’ll change.
He never changed.
I’m not blind for never leaving him, just stupid. Stupid for being content with wanting more and never getting it. You’re probably wondering why I settled with a piece of shit boyfriend who never got me a birthday present, right?
I settled because this is the boy I had once fallen in love with. This is the boy who used to drive to my apartment at 1 AM just because I wanted to see him, this is the boy who would play slow songs when we kissed because he knew that I wanted a cheesy/romantic kissing mood, this is the boy who played doctor and fed me cough syrup when I was dying in his bed. My boyfriend was no longer that boy. I settled because that’s what love makes you do. I held onto someone that wasn’t there anymore because I was convinced he was the same guy I fell in love with. I was convinced that the old (and better) version of him would reemerge.
To summarize… Love doesn’t make you blind. You know all the bullshit you’ve gone through and you know that you can do better. Love makes you settle, and that’s why you’re still catering to his/her every need. You’re holding on to someone who’s toxic. So leave. No matter how much you want your partner to change or how much potential he/she has. You have to know your worth. Maybe not right away, but you WILL find someone who sees your effort and gives you more in return.
Love can make you settle, but you don’t have to stay.