To The Single Mamas,
The old notion will perpetuate that there is no greater indignity than a woman with a kid(s) and no man to stand up for her and the new generation of principle that you should be smart enough to know better. Everyone, seriously everyone, is going to judge you. Maybe they are right, maybe they are wrong but it is just the way it is. You are now part of a statistic that has been rising in numbers for the past years, a statistic that has a lot of labels and misconceptions, that when they heard you belong in it, your value and worth as a woman and as a person are suddenly declining. But personally, I don’t think this matters anyway.
I don’t believe most single mothers ever planned on being single mothers, but life often sets us down paths we never meant to wander down and we have to make the best of the journey. No one wants to be left single-handedly.
There are times that we have to muster all the strength and courage to put up a face with our children that it is still okay, that we are doing and feeling fine. There are moments that we are really breaking apart in total silence, that our hearts are heavily burdened by those false findings of people who never know what we have been through.
We cannot give up because we have no other choice but to make it through everyday. We are working twice as hard as just about anyone else because we are the sole provider for our children and their welfare and wellness are our ultimate responsibility. We are tough as what others are seeing but our hearts are as soft as a feather. We cannot let our children see us that are weak, that we are on the edge of falling apart. We can’t.
Hey, listen. Believe me, you are doing your best. There are thousands of thoughts about giving up but when you look at this tiny breathing innocent life sleeping beside you, you forget how your feet hurt from standing still in the three hour bus ride on your way home, you instantly forget how tired and hungry you are from working twelve hours straight at the office, you suddenly felt lighter after being scolded for not having to meet deadlines and reports at work because you are willing to make sacrifices, you are willing to endure all hardships, you are determined to do everything so that this little breather who is sleeping right on our shoulders will get the best things in life simply because they are worth it — worth getting up each and every morning.
This innocent life who calls you “Mommy/Mama/Nanay” is the very reason why you keep fighting for life’s battlefield. Here, your hard work, your sacrifices, your efforts from smallest to biggest are very well appreciated. It is true that there is a kind of love you don’t know exists not until you become a mother.
Do not be ashamed of being a single mother. I wear this label as a badge of my womanhood for three years now and I am proud of that. The life that we are tasked to take good care of is our greatest treasure. Remember, we don’t need a man to validate our existence. We do not need any validation in the first place. Sometimes you have to learn to accept those apologies that you know you will NEVER ever receive. And forgiveness is the genuine way (actually the only way) for you to move on. I learned to take myself and my happiness seriously. You are already complete, you are already whole. Make yourself and your child your number one priority, always.
I salute the single mamas that have chosen happiness over being complete but broken.
You deserved to be celebrated not just today, but every day.
It’s our day, Happy Mother’s Day!