To The Fathers Who Chose Not To Be

woman surrounded by brown and green tall trees during daytime
IB Wira Dyatmika / Unsplash

I never thought that being left single-handedly as a parent will be this wonderful. I never thought that at the end, you’ll end up knowing and discovering things about yourself— things you don’t know you’re capable of. Struggles of raising a child alone, the hard work and effort are incomparable.

So, to all those fathers who choose, purposely and intentionally left us alone, thank you.

Thank you for giving us series of pain, heartbreak, difficulty and disappointments. Thank you for showing us that you aren’t the right man who our child deserves. You aren’t the right ones our child needs to look forward to when they grow up. You aren’t either the one that they’ll be proud of when they get to learn about life, sacrifices and the entirety of what is it to be a human. Thank you for as early as now you prove what kind of person you are— irresponsible, self-centered and unloving. With all the things that you did, we want to say thank you because all these heartbreaks lead us with no choice but to stay strong. We hope you know how coward you are for running to an innocent life who asks you for nothing but love.

Thank you for never giving me us an ounce of support when we need someone to hold on to. Learning how to stand tall with all the ripped pieces of ourselves made me to who we are today. Because of you, we learn how to become two people for the love of one. You taught us a lot about strength and we learn that at the end of the day, we only have ourselves. You will only get those small amounts of bravery and courage in your inner being because no one will ever hand over it to you. You let us know that we are capable of fighting battles with the best of our abilities. Knowing and finding out the strength within was a self breakthrough, it was truly amazing.

Thank you for not choosing to stay. Thank you for opting to choose yourself because you are the kind of person who does not know how to love. You don’t know how to provide and be selfless. You always want convenience and you treat our child as if they’re a nuisance and an ultimate reason for not achieving your dreams and aspirations. We hope life will prove you wrong. We hope life will eventually hit you with a throbbing and excruciating reality that what you did is absolutely unforgivable. But again, thank you because you taught us that self love will lead you to see colors in a black hue, it will help you recuperate your innermost self that you taught was lost, it will teach you that still self love will aid in healing— piece by piece.

Lastly, thank you for giving us the other half of this wonderful genetic thing that made our child. They are certainly a blessing and we will never get tired of showing and reminding them they’re loved, accepted and valued. We will never let them feel as if your absence matters. But I hope when time comes that this little kicker whom you never had the chance of cradling on endless nights, this little one whom you never experienced being vomited on to, this little child that keeps on crawling on the side of bed whom you never had the opportunity to watch out and fed up, this little kid whom you never had the chance to sing-a-long with nursery rhymes and lullabies will eventually ask you why you were able to do these things to them, I hope when that moment arrives, it’s not too late. I hope when that time comes you are not afraid of seeing, touching and hearing your own bones, your own blood and your own flesh. I hope you can face them with such bravery and courage and finally feel the warmth that has long been missing— Love. TC mark

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