9 Myths About Extroverts That Are Totally Wrong

Two women in denim sit at a table in front of a business in Dallas
Kendyle Nelsen / Unsplash

As Aesop said, appearances are often deceiving. Let me take you through what you think you know (but actually don’t) about extroverts.

1. We’re 100% confident

This is what I get the most. You talk so much to anyone, from strangers you sit next to on the train to the ones you meet at the bar, you look so sure of yourself so you automatically are the most confident person in the room. It’s quite the opposite to be honest, at least it is for me: I probably am the least confident person in my circle, but I just love meeting anyone new, I live for the energy I get from those around me. Being an extrovert is my shield, it’s the shell I live in.

2. We can’t be good friends

Just because we adore surrounding ourselves with new people and get to know them, it doesn’t mean that we forget about the old ones. On the contrary, most of my friends are old friends. We don’t get bored of those we love, we don’t dump partners just because we’re tired of them, and we surely care, even if we’re not the best at expressing it. Also, we don’t really like everybody and we can be selective too: being good at conversations doesn’t mean that we settle for anything we don’t like for real. I try to be the friend I want to have, and so far so good.

3. We hate loneliness

I am a highly sensitive extrovert, which means I feel everything to its fullest, so it can be exhausting. As much as I love being surrounded by human beings, I also need some quality time with myself every now and then. When I am alone, I either talk to myself or write down all I have in my head, I feel the need to re-elaborate every little thing that happened to me in order to let some emotions go before I blow up.

4. We’re hollow and shallow

This is one of the worst assumptions about extroverts. Just because we’re good at socializing and at small talks, it doesn’t mean that there’s not anything else there. Apparently, if you’re the king of the party you can’t have a deep personality as well. I tend to believe this is what introverts say in order to feel better about themselves, but I don’t really like generalizing. Being an HS person, you have no idea of what I have on my mind all the time, it’s all fireworks and explosions and chaos. We’re not as simple as you might think, so please don’t make any assumption, it’s just rude.

5. We flirt all the time

Where do I start with this? If I had to count all the time a guy has misunderstood my “signals” while I was just talking and being nice, I’d be a freaking millionaire. Just because I’m a girl and you’re a boy, it doesn’t mean that I only talk to you to get into your bed. If I touch your arm, it’s not because I want to flirt with you, maybe in that moment, I feel like doing it. If I smile, I might be enjoying quality conversations. Also, a friendly reminder to any woman out there: talking to your man doesn’t necessarily equal to any desire to steal your man. Maybe I just wanted to chat, maybe I was feeling lonely or sad, maybe I just like the guy as a friend. If I like anyone, trust me, they’ll have no doubts on the matter. It ends right there, let’s stop talking about it.

6. We’re always happy

Another pretty big deal on this topic. Just because we laugh and make jokes all the time, it doesn’t mean that we’re genuinely happy every hour of everyday. As I said before, we’re far from being superficial: when I’m on my own and start pouring my heart out on paper, I realize how profoundly sad I am every now and then. Sometimes a smile is just a great way to hide what we’re feeling on the inside, and we’re pretty good at hiding it even from our best friends. Making people laugh occasionally is a self-defense expedient to keep the bad thoughts away for a while.

7. We’re bad listeners

When you talk a lot, people automatically assume you simply talk too much and you won’t be interested in anything they have to say. It’s doesn’t make any sense to me. I literally am the therapist of my clique, it interests me to know the way minds operate, I’m fascinated by anyone’s deepest thoughts, it intrigues me. And it turns out I’m pretty good at giving advice too, so please don’t judge a book by its cover.

8. We don’t like nor respect introverts

Whether you an extroverted or introverted person, once you know it, embrace it and own it. At the end of the day, there’s no better or worse: we don’t make any preference nor do we think we are better than others. From time to time we may also feel too enthusiastic and flamboyant, as opposed to any other party in the conversation. As an empath, I often feel like I could make someone uncomfortable by being so chatty and loud, which is the reason why I simply back off when needed.

9. We’re attention seekers

Oh boy, no, we don’t need any spotlight, we don’t feel like stars nor we try to be. There’s no ulterior motive in the way we behave, we are not talkative and funny to steal all the attention from you, it’s just the way we are, whether you like it or not. I’ve come to the conclusion that it shouldn’t bother me anymore because I can’t feel sorry for who I am. I actually lost a couple of friends along the way because of this, but you know, take me for what I am or leave me (sorry not sorry). TC mark

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