When I was a little girl, mama used to tell me the same old story every night, before she tucked me in:
Once upon a time, there was a damsel in distress.
If I close my eyes, I can still smell her perfume the moment she reached for my forehead, to kiss me goodnight. I loved the sound of her voice, how she would perfectly depict every little detail and give each character a very distinctive parlance.
As soon as she left, I would fantasize about the kind of princess that I could be. It took me a while to realize that I couldn’t be a princess and I didn’t want to. Why would a girl love tiaras, pretty dresses, and being rescued instead of saving the world? Being the daughter of a woman who has always taught me to fight my battles on my own, those fairytales sounded a bit odd to me.
Why doesn’t the princess save herself?
The truth is, we spend years and years watching movies, we grow up with this sick idea of the charming prince on a white horse; we look for this incredible and undeniable force that’s not only going to be Our Person forever and always, but is also going to give our existence a meaning, a purpose, just like we’re meant to be.
And trust me, I believed in it, too. Young and naive, I was waiting. Waiting for someone to notice me, just like the movies. I fell for strangers, faces I saw for a few seconds, lips that spoke a couple of nice words, eyes that stared a little bit longer.
I sat on the bench of life, waiting. How wrong could I be? Life doesn’t bring you anything on a silver plate, that’s not how it works. If you want it, you have to go and get it for yourself.
After too many broken hearts and an innumerable quantity of wasted tears, I’ve come to the realization that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, let alone a perfect guy.
Movies are bullshit. No one will ever come and save you. You are a strong and independent human being and you can bet your ass you can save yourself. So please, do not rely on men to help you cope with your life, do not be afraid of being on your own. There is nothing more beautiful than a fierce woman.
Don’t fill the void with a man who doesn’t deserve you, work on yourself instead, and make you the person you always wanted to be.
It took me a while to understand that, but a man doesn’t make you more valuable, you do. You don’t need to be someone else’s girlfriend to bright like a star, you are not someone else’s accessory. You do you.
I like to believe there’s no One. You’ll never meet someone that is perfect for you because they actually don’t exist. You make it perfect, you make it work, day by day. You fight hard and you don’t walk away.
Because differently from any movie you watch on TV, you don’t love somebody at first sight and you don’t love someone more than you love yourself, because that is not love, that is dependence. You can fall for someone, while love is nothing but a rational choice. You don’t end up loving a random guy you laid eyes on in the blink of an eye, you choose to love them.
You choose to be trusting, loyal, and honest to somebody else, you choose to respect them.
And maybe one day a guy will come to you, and you will know why it didn’t work out with anyone else. And when that day comes, you don’t want to feel vulnerable and weak. You don’t want to be rescued. You want to feel a whole. You want to be ready and satisfied with what you have achieved so far, and you don’t want to rely on someone else.
Because you don’t need to be saved, you just want someone to take a seat next to you and enjoy a ride on the roller coaster that is your life.