Body positivity is about more than just loving yourself—it’s also about embracing fatness, and this is tough for many people to swallow, especially prospective lovers. I’m a body positive person and I don’t apologize for it even when it scares away men. I say good riddance.
1. I’m not trying to lose weight.
How many women do you know that are unhappy with their body and are actively working towards weight-loss or frantically maintaining their current weight? Yeah, this isn’t me. I know it’s a real shocker to people, but I’m actually not trying to lose weight at all. Diet culture doesn’t have me in its grips because I don’t think thinness is the answer to all my problems.
2. I accept myself just as I am.
This would seem like a good thing, right? Just because I have fat on my body doesn’t mean I’m not a valuable person. I accept the fat on my body just as it is. This is unattractive to many men because they want a girl who’s “in shape” or thin. It’s actually scary to many of them that I’m not trying to change my body and that I’m happy with it right here and now.
3. I’m not super into fitness.
Is it just my city or is basically every dude on every dating app super into fitness? I just swipe left whenever I see it because I’m not at all obsessive about fitness. Sure, I work out here and there, but it isn’t the main focus of my life. I know that this is unappealing to many guys—they want a girl who can keep up with them. That ain’t me.
4. I’m not afraid of being fat.
Even more radical than accepting my body and trying not to lose weight is that I’m not afraid to gain more weight. OK, well I’m a little scared because I’m still recovering from disordered eating, but I’m ready for it if it happens. I’m working on my fear of being fat and every day I get a little less sensitive to the idea. Again, this scares the crap out of a lot of dudes.
5. I’m loud and unapologetic about my feelings.
It’s not that I just have these views but that I’m also super loud about them. I’m an activist on Instagram and on my blog. I regularly post very controversial things that get people angry and talking, so it’s not like I’m a quiet body positivity gal. When they get me, they also get my loud mouth and unrelenting publicity about my views.
6. Body positivity is political.
It’s not just body positivity I’m interested in but it’s also intersectionality—meaning including all races, genders, abilities, etc. in the discussion. When all of this starts to come into play, the discussion is inherently political. We can’t talk about these things without talking about politics. Body positivity is generally pretty liberal so that automatically filters out conservative men. No loss there.
7. Being a feminist comes with the territory.
Just as being political is impossible to avoid, it’s very difficult to be a body positive person without also being a feminist. The big F word scares off more dudes than I can count. A lot of guys would prefer not to date a feminist because of all the misconceptions (or correct things) they’ve heard about them. I’m a feminist and that isn’t changing, so if that scares away guys then so be it.
8. I couldn’t care less that it bothers dudes.
Honestly, it doesn’t bother me that many men are scared off by my radical body positivity. I like to date chicks too! That’s beside the point, but I just really think it’s their loss if they’re going to be that close-minded. I get that I’m just not some people’s type and that’s totally cool too. I’m happy to keep doing my thing and they can do theirs somewhere else.
9. It’s silly because body positivity helps them, too.
The irony of men running away from me because of my body positive ways is that our politics actually help them too. The concept of loving yourself as you are and embracing the fatness that is seemingly inevitable in our culture takes some weight off of their backs, so to speak. They don’t have to be so “perfect” and if they gain weight, they don’t have to worry about being unworthy.
10. The right guy can handle me.
At the end of the day, my body positivity doesn’t scare off all men. Some people actually love it and think it’s fantastic. I don’t lose sleep over those who don’t like me because I’m saving that head space for the guy who actually wants me for all that I am. That right guy will be able to handle everything that comes with the territory and won’t be afraid.