Why I Refuse To Talk About Engagement Rings

As a 20-something woman in a serious long term relationship, I obviously think about the future. I often catch myself daydreaming about how much fun it will be to finally have our own place or how we’re going to get married one day. I’m in love and I’m a romantic, I can’t get away from these thoughts. I’m even guilty of having a secret Pinterest board dedicated to ideas for wedding décor. Sorry not sorry. But being a cheapskate, I find myself worrying more than plotting. Especially about the engagement ring.

I had mentioned to my mother before that we were looking into getting a fake diamond ring with a real gold band and she looked at me like I was suggesting we use a ring pop and elope. According to her, and almost everyone else she told, you NEED a real diamond. Now, I don’t have anything against that. Really, I would love to have that.

But as two people who don’t have great careers yet and grew up without a lot of money, both my boyfriend and I are rather fond of sales and bargains rather than the most expensive option when we can swing it. There’s also the fact that I’d rather not have the most expensive thing I own be a tiny band of metal that I wear on my finger. That’s a little absurd to me. Diamonds are nice, but I don’t think I’ll have a heart attack and die if I don’t own one.

There was a mutual friend on the train home with my boyfriend who was recently engaged and showing off her ring, when he made the comment that he was thinking about popping the question soon. The immediate response was “You have to at least spend ____.” This struck me as a little disturbing.

Why put a price on something that is supposed to be beautiful and life-long? I sure as hell won’t be complaining about price when he does propose. It could be a fifty dollar ring for all I care. (I trust my boyfriend’s knowledge of what I want and he is very thorough in checking quality of things so he wouldn’t actually do that. Don’t worry.) I don’t know when asking someone to marry you became a test of how much they love you based on how much money they forked out.

I’m a fairly private person. I get both sides of wanting to share every step as well as keeping it all private. I have family in other states that wouldn’t get to be a part of this moment without pictures, but this doesn’t mean I’ll be posting 700 shots of the process. This spills over into my view on the ring. If I can get a good quality and beautiful ring for less than $500, I don’t care what anyone thinks of the price. And I damn sure am not telling anyone since it’s really not their business anyway.

When you make it about price, you lose focus on what is happening. If someone is willing to spend the rest of their life putting up with my mood swings and weird interests, I’m going to be ecstatic regardless of how much they paid for a ring. The real worth is in your hearts, not on your fingers. So go and get married and post as many pictures as you want (thanks Facebook for letting me hide those when they get annoying!), but PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, do not feel like you have to sell your entire soul just for a ring. TC mark

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