When I Say I have Trust Issues, This Is What I Mean

When I say I have trust issues, what I mean is that I always make sure to keep a slip knot in the strings that connect me to other people. From the right distance, they may even look like nooses, ready to strangle any potential development of a true connection with another human being, including you. What I mean is, the walls I’ve built up over the years to keep others out are a thing to be found in one of Donald Trump’s wet dreams.

When I say I have trust issues, what I mean is that this isn’t a challenge. I don’t expect you to bend over backwards to prove yourself worthy, because my inability to trust you does not define your worth. It’s just that I have been through a lot and I am still trying to decode my own coping mechanisms, and the process of doing so might be kind of messy. What I mean is that I don’t want to unintentionally hurt you while I am still trying to figure my own stuff out.

When I say I have trust issues, it isn’t a ploy for sympathy. I don’t expect you to swoop in and save me from my own trauma. I am simply self-aware enough to acknowledge the negative impact some of my life experiences have had on me. I don’t want anyone to burn themselves out trying to conquer my darkness when I know I am the only one in control of the capacity of light that gets in.

When I say I have trust issues, what I mean is that I am still trying to heal. I know I need to do so at my own pace, and I don’t want you to break your own heart trying to heal mine. What I mean is that I need lots of space, and you diving in headfirst is probably a bad idea for everyone involved. What I mean is that I am not a safe place to land.

What I mean is, stay away from me.

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