On Learning To Accept The Apologies You Never Received

The beauty of forgiveness is that you can give it to someone without their permission. Unlike sex, you don’t have to wait around for them to decide that they finally want it enough to ask for it before you give it to them. Forgiveness is simply a gift given with no strings attached. Oftentimes, when you forgive someone who never asked for it, you also end up forgiving yourself in the process for having allowed them enough power over you to hurt you in the first place.

Forgiveness is often thought of as a gift we give away, but most times, we benefit more from the act than the recipients of our actions do. In choosing forgiveness, you are also choosing to set down all of the unnecessary weight that came with the unresolved situation. In forgiveness, you wipe your hands clean of all unfinished business and desperation for closure. You reclaim power and assign closure to the situation all by yourself, without the other person’s permission or participation. Forgiving someone behind their back is one of the most empowering things you will ever do.

Sometimes, it takes a person’s brain a while to catch up to their heart, and fully understand what they have known all along. One day, the ones who have hurt you will realize the pain that they inflicted upon you. They might crawl out of the woodwork of your memories and reach out, even years from now, in an attempt at reconciliation. However, some might not be so brave. The culprits of the scars on your back and heart may feel that it took them too long to realize the harm of their ways and be too scared to reach out. This is why it is important to accept the apologies you never receive. Just because you don’t obtain them doesn’t mean that they aren’t written on the hearts of the ones who broke yours. Just because the ones who hurt you choose to walk around with the weight of their own unspoken words in their chest doesn’t mean you have to be weighed down by their lack of courage, too.

Sometimes people don’t apologize. Not because you aren’t worthy of the apology, but because they feel they aren’t worthy of your forgiveness. Sometimes they’re right. However, the healing often starts when you choose to forgive them anyway.