Dreaming Of You Still Feels Like Home

grayscale photo of sleeping woman lying on bed
Kinga Cichewicz / Unsplash

I have always felt safe with you. I loved who I was in your presence. You had this way of bringing out the best in me, always celebrating my authenticity and making me feel like who I was, even at my most vulnerable, mattered.

In my weakest moments, you made me feel like the strongest person in the room. When I thought I had lost my voice, you still heard me loud and clear and made sure that everyone else did, too. You were the white flag in every war I waged against myself. You carried me to safety in every storm. On my darkest days, you would look at me with a light in your eyes that I didn’t even know existed.

And now, you only look at me like that during REM cycles, in the dark, beneath layers of unconscious. That’s the only way I see you anymore, is in fleeting moments throughout my dreams. I feel like I’m chasing your ghost.

I know you’re still alive. You still exist, but you’re not the person you used to be, when your smile felt like a welcome mat with my name on it. When your voice was a porch light turning on, beckoning me to safety from the darkness. When your eyes felt like home.

They say it takes seven years for every cell in our body to regenerate and replace themselves with new healthier versions of what they once were. Even the smallest parts of us wouldn’t recognize each other anymore, but I’m still grieving your absence with every God particle of my existence. In your presence, I felt holy; now I’m tolerable at best. But one miracle worth holding on to is the fact that I still see you in my dreams. You are the reason I smile in my sleep.

You almost make the nightmares worth it. TC mark

Gina Clingan

I'm trying.

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather

Let go now

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