1. Buying Tampons for the women in your life doesn’t make you a hero. It makes you a decent human being. You don’t need to elaborate that they aren’t for you. We already know that. You also don’t need to give us your sob story about how your sister/wife/daughter made you get them. If you’re expecting some kind of applause or gold star on your forehead, you’re not gonna get it.
2. We don’t have to put up with your unwanted advances. At the register, when we ask you if you have a phone number or membership card with the company, it is not an invitation for you to hit on us, or make it sound like we are literally asking you for your number. No, we will not call you later.
3. Ask us, don’t tell us. Yes, we are here to help you. That doesn’t mean you can bark orders at us. Try asking us to get you something, instead of telling us to give you something. You sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Gimme, gimme, gimme! I am not your mother.
4. Don’t grab. In retail, there is a lot of hand-to-hand exchanging occurring between money and products. We don’t throw your products at you after you purchase them, so don’t grab them from us.
5. Nobody is questioning your masculinity. Having a membership card on your keychain isn’t girly or emasculating. Using your membership card to save yourself some money doesn’t make us question your sexual orientation. However, not using your keychain and paying full price for sale items does make us question your intelligence.
6. Enough with the pet names. I am not your baby, so do not call me that. When male associates assist you in retail environments, do you thank them and call them doll face?
7. Don’t touch us. Yes, we see you, right there in front of us. We will assist you in a moment. You don’t need to reach out and touch us in any way to make us aware of your presence, thanks. Also, next time you caress the hand that gives you back your change, don’t be surprised if it balls itself into a fist and comes at you quickly.
8. Stop commenting on what is or isn’t on our left hand. Our relationship status, and whether the space on our ring finger is bare or occupied by a ring, is none of your business. It does not concern you.
9. Stop being so creepy while buying condoms. You don’t need to shove the box of condoms in our face while handing them to us while purchasing them. You also don’t need to hold uncomfortable eye contact or desperately keep the conversation going with us in hopes that we won’t notice the product that we are ringing you up for. Like, congratulations on getting laid, but we really don’t care. Please just give us your money and go away.
10. We are not flirting with you. We are literally being paid to smile and engage with you right now. Please take your things and go, there are other customers waiting.