Of All These Scars, You Will Always Be My Favorite

woman holding her hair near on trees
Matheus Ferrero / Unsplash

It has been years since you drifted violently away, leaving me with a new, unexpected emptiness in my life, as well as another knife in my back. Of all the scars I carry, I never imagined one of my deepest wounds would have been inflicted by you. Yet, here we are, two years later. Time changes things, having transformed us from “best friends” to absolute strangers.

All residual bitterness aside, I really hope you’re okay. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you are happy with your decisions, and I hope that your relationship (the one you threw our friendship away over) is still healthy and strong. I hope he treats you well, and you bring out and get to witness the very best of each other, because we all know I was never given that opportunity with either of you. I hope in him, you have found everything you ever wanted.

I hope he has never made you feel inadequate, or like you were too much, in the ways that he always did to me. I hope you never had to cry yourself to sleep over him, in all the ways that you watched me do. I hope when he touches you, you don’t cringe with uncertainty. When he kisses you, I hope it is without trace of dishonesty. When he looks at you, I hope you never feel as though you are being settled for; a temporary convenience. With him, I hope you feel safe. I hope you are safe, because I never was.

Above all else, I hope you know how thankful I truly am for your betrayal.

If you hadn’t stabbed me in the back, I probably never would have let him go. You also would probably still be a huge part of my life. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for freeing me from the both of you. In my freedom, I have grown so much over these last two years. I can honestly say I am a better person for no longer knowing you.

With the knife that you left in my back, I have carved out a world of opportunity for myself, and found someone who loves me in ways that neither of you ever did. I can’t wait to see where I end up. No matter where that is, I will always think of you. I will never stop praying that you land somewhere safe.

Of all these scars, you will always be my favorite. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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