It is so easy to build this ideal image of who you wanted to be, with him by your side. A large part of you becoming that person is dependent on who you expected him to be, and the role you needed him to play in building your life together. Most importantly, you needed consistency in everything: His behavior toward you and life in general, your feelings for one another, as well as your growth that was supposed to maintain similar velocity in correlation to each other.
Unfortunately, reality doesn’t work like that.
Things change, and with them, people. People grow at different paces and in different directions. Sometimes, that means growing apart. And that is okay. What isn’t okay is when you start to hinder each other’s growth and feel as though you have to drag him behind you, just so he can keep up with the fictitious world that you built for the two of you in your mind. You cannot force him to grow in directions that are unnatural to him. Think of how much further you could get yourself in your relationship, as well as in life, if you didn’t have to put all that extra effort into trying to force him to bloom into someone he is not.
By letting go of the idea of him, who you thought he was and needed him to be, you will create so much room for positive elements in your life. You will allow yourself to pull your head out of your ass and realize exactly who he is right there in front of you, and either learn to appreciate him for all that he is or finally summon the strength to admit that you cannot accept all that he is not. Holding on to him for whatever unmet potential that you see in him just isn’t fair to either one of you. You both deserve so much better than that.
Stop holding on to who he was supposed to be.
Either embrace who he is, or let him go.