1. She’s aware and in touch with the world and the people around her. Maybe she wasn’t born the most brilliant neuroscientist on the planet — no one is, arguably — but she at least has a desire to be educated about her world and her impact.
2. She is loving. I hope the girls you go for are so full of love it comes spilling out of them at inopportune times. There will never be a problem on this earth that will be worsened with love.
3. You and she have great, passionate, fun sex together. I hope you find a woman who makes sex fun for you, and who you can’t wait to delight in turn. I genuinely hope for all the men in my life that they find someone with whom they can’t imagine letting an opportunity for sex passing them by (at least in the beginning).
4. She comes to you, and you go to her, for help when it applies. Both of you realize that you are not, despite the cliche, each other’s everything. Rather, you are both people that enjoy each other and love one another. Sometimes that means going outside of one another. In fact, that often means that! You wouldn’t ask your girlfriend to fix your car just because she’s your girlfriend. Now if she’s a mechanic… go for it. Go to each other when the other person can help otherwise you’re setting them up for failure.
5. She’s mature. I don’t mean serious. In fact, the more people I meet, the more I realize that a good deal of maturity has to do with having a good sense of humor and a great deal of patience for life.
6. She’s gorgeous. To you. I don’t give two shits what this woman looks like. I hope that you find her stunning simply because you love her. As in, you forget to even look at her sometimes ‘cause she’s just “her” to you. Obviously, I want you to find her hot and sexy too, but by your rules and expectations, whatever they may be.
7. She’s got a good attitude. There is no good reason to be with a person other than to have fun. You can get kids and companionship and chore-sharing from a lot of other ways these days so the only smart choice is to pick a person who makes everything that goes wonky in your life an adventure.
8. She wants her own things. Honestly, if both of you err a little on the side of too independent, you’ll only end up appreciating each other more, because you’ll understand how things go when the other isn’t around.
9. She’s open to new things and people. Hopefully, you find this undeniably attractive in any person, male or female. Closed off, ignorant or bigoted people are not worth keeping around at some point. They just keep you from filling up your life with new places and people and experiences — the exact opposite point of life.
10. She’s forgiving and slow to condemn or judge. I hope that the women you value are kind an gracious and understanding. I hope they give people affordances for lifestyles other than their own.
11. She demands all these things for you as well. She better not be here simply to serve you or better you or make you look good. It’s not about that. You guys should be good when you meet. And you should be bettering each other.
12. Honestly, it’s all pretty easy. You should be attracted to good people. If you want a girl who talks less, blows you more, cooks you dinner, knows not to stand in front of the TV, who wakes you up with sex and leaves you alone during man time, you’re describing an on-call maid/prostitute. If you’re in a good relationship, none of those things will ever ever ever ever come up. Ok. Maybe the standing in front of the TV. But you’ll ask her politely to move and she will and dear god, how is this so hard?