Thought Catalog

I Left My Keys On the Altar

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I kissed and whiskered the ass of a priest one night. The priest was an old man, a barrel, and he was of the catholic faith. We were leaving a restaurant at the same time and met at the door. After a drink at the bar across the street, we wound up in his bed in the rectory of his church. He said, “Pull the covers up over us so God can’t see.” He had the sweetest little voice. You’ve never heard such a sweet voice in your life. Behind him, kissing and whiskering, I wore my jaw and my tongue out dead. As I went forward into him with my neck, he leaned back into me with his knees. It was like a kind and considerate arm-wrestling match but instead of arms we used sex and nobody wanted to win. He sang out in Italian as I fired my tongue, fired with my chin, with my entire face.  He sang into his pillow as I tried to fill him. The further into him I managed to get, the higher and louder he sang. I imagined myself a musician playing his body like some kind of weird human horn, and his singing into the pillow sounded like an underwater choir. My neck started hurting so I stopped. The choir swam away. He stopped thrusting back onto me and the choir swam away. I tried fucking him for a little bit but I was too tired by then.  I crawled up to lie beside him and we both fell sleep. When I woke up to go to the bathroom he was snoring in Italian. I got out of the bed and had to feel along the walls of his room for my way. My hand brushed and tilted a crucifix, then I straightened it in the dark. Once I found the bathroom, I flipped on the light. I saw blood on my chin in the mirror while washing my dick in his sink. TC mark

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    • Gian

      Is no comments good? Sometimes I feel like it's good. True story, by the way.

      • Luke

        Think you probably just left most people speechless after reading this.

        • http://clarifiedconfusion.blogspot.com aaron nicholas

          completely unexpected story, had serious wtf factor to it. doesn't mean it is a bad story by any means. just, ya, like !WHAM! kinda shocking.

    • http://kilakilakila.blogspot.com brittany

      you rimmed a priest?
      damn…

    • anon

      i don't even know what to say except… std test?

      • Gian

        Done. And done.

        • Hyacinthe

          So where was the blood from?

    • Luke

      From the peeps at reddit:

      “I saw blood on my chin in the mirror while washing my dick in his sink.”

      is this some kind of reference? or did he just bite his lip?

    • yeahdude

      totally not needed on TC.

      • Gian

        Why not?

      • Gian

        I really want to know what makes it not needed on TC. Why won't you explain? I think one could argue the opposite, and that it is very much needed on TC. Most posts are good, but others feel worked on for ten minutes at the most. At least I put some time into my posts and don't just slap a video on there or write about how my friend and I have a secret language.

        So if this isn't needed on TC, what makes it not needed? Because it's about sex? Gay sex? Gay sex with a priest? In a church? It's a true story and that makes it real. I am guessing you don't like to hear about gay sex, but you are probably okay with hetero sex. I seriously want to know so I can write within your guidelines, whoever you are. Please make us a list and why don't you put your real name when you post things? You come off like a chickenshit when you do that. Why don't you email me ditrapano@nytyrant.com or call me at 917-539-3963.

    • LDN

      mi piace molto!

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