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I Left My Keys On the Altar

I kissed and whiskered the ass of a priest one night. The priest was an old man, a barrel, and he was of the catholic faith. We were leaving a restaurant at the same time and met at the door. After a drink at the bar across the street, we wound up in his bed in the rectory of his church. He said, “Pull the covers up over us so God can’t see.”

Funny Drug Story

Then he grew a little white. But Dan was already really white so he turned more of a grayish-green color like pale people (gross) always do. His hue was quickly waning. Dan had long black stringy hair and a gigantic mouth that was always smiling and laughing but it also took up most of his face because it was so big. You know those people whose faces are all mouth.

Bears vs. Gian (1-3)

He tried to push me back and off of him when I was getting ready to come but I leaned into him instead, collapsing his knees, spraying his guts. I felt like he deserved it for being so careless. I had nothing anyway. He was safe. I fell off to his side and he jumped out of bed in a huff and ran to the bathroom. I remember thinking, “I’ve done nothing wrong” as I drifted off to sleep.

The Meat in the Temple

There is no painkiller man can make that can kill this pain. Isn’t that unimaginable? They have to put me unconscious when the headache gets too bad and I go to the emergency room. They got a drip of Goodnight! waiting for me, my goddamn name on it.