He was not my type. I always knew we were better off as friends. For the reason that, we were too much of the same species—too much of the same puzzle piece, most likely not meant to fit together as one.
But he was rubbing the last vestiges of sleep in his eyes that day. Sheets pooling at his waist as he sat up, when it hit me. I was falling. Helplessly. Madly.
I don’t know how or why. It wasn’t the ideal place to fall for someone but I did.
As boring as the sight may have been for such a feeling, it did begin in a place like that. Not under the gaze of a thousand stars or in the middle of an art gallery. But in the most ordinary of places— on a morning bed. With tendrils of his hair falling at the side of his face, nose scrunched up and eyes wrinkled in annoyance at the sun rays beaming at his face, I, surprisingly, thought he was such a sight to behold. As beautiful as the weather in an early morning. The best way to start my day.
I thought my heart was thumping out of my chest like a scene in every romance novel I’ve ever read. It was too cliché– or maybe it was just too good to be true. I had not instantly found myself staring until he looked my way, eyes squinted. Instinctively, I just had to throw a pillow in his direction than admit I gawked at how pretty he looked, before hurrying out of the room.
It came more of a surprise. A surging feeling in my spine I did not anticipate at all.
It was as if time had slowed down for that moment to arrive. Or like being hit by a truck, being slammed against a wall or something more violent to wake me up from the fact that I’ve been sleeping on a potential date all along. I remember the feeling exactly as it was.
The days dragged on and being with him became more difficult. I could no longer just casually grab his hands without sweating my palms. Sitting next to him was eating me up because I worry a lot about being too close and appearing clingy or being too far and appearing suspicious. Just simply talking to him even makes me want to be swallowed whole by the earth because suddenly his voice is as sweet as honey.
It’s embarrassing and I feel as though if I just move a little closer he’d hear just how much my heart wants to escape my chest and grab onto him.
Every time he smiled, I wanted so badly to kiss that grin out of him— wondering what it would be like to be able to taste the smile on his lips.
The feeling was becoming more violent in my chest but I was becoming weaker with the emotions coming all at once. I could not urge myself to confess how I truly feel because I fear crumbling to pieces after hearing a response I would not be able to accept. So I just wake up all day trying my best not to let it show too much, to feign bravery in handling my emotions, and hide behind the special friend you see me as.
I might have fallen in such an unlikely circumstance but it was all true. It was unexpected but I was glad it arrived.
Even until now, I don’t mind waking up over and over again to watch you rub the sleep out of your eyes and get annoyed at how much sunlight is hitting your face, just to repeat the feeling of finally realizing I’m falling for you. Helplessly. Madly.