Your Expectations Are The Reason You’re Still Single

Sergey Zolkin

You’re assuming and ruining your potential dating life.

You’re assuming because he didn’t message back within 20 minutes that he’s not interested.

You’re assuming because he looked at your Snap story, but didn’t message you back he’s a dick.

You’re assuming because there weren’t wedding bells and every check marked off on your list of “standards” on a first date that he’s not the right one. Or lesser than.

As a woman who has thought all of these thoughts, I get it. Where’s the respect and courtesy? Why is this so hard? Why are these guys so flaky? Why did he ghost me? Why does this always happen?

My next words might just piss you off, but I want you to consider them first.

Are you trying to place an everlasting, till death do us part relationship on a potential right swipe or a first date? Think about this… You’re upset because this new man isn’t being attentive, intentional or a gentleman. But are you trying to find true love within a first interaction? That’s a crazy expectation.

We need to treat the first date as a first date, a month relationship as a month relationship, and an engagement as an engagement. Love, trust, and feelings take time to cultivate. You are not going to know if he’s the one from one interaction. You need to do life with him, spend time, have conversations, buy groceries together, go to his sisters graduation, let him hold you when your dog dies. These are the moments when you will learn if he’s right for you. You’re assuming because it wasn’t all roses and diamonds from the get-go that you don’t have a connection worth pursuing.

My advice to you is to go to on a first date and treat it like a first date; get to know each other. Go on many many more dates if things go that way. If it is meant to be and he’s relationship quality, that love and those feelings will become apparent within getting to know each other. We date to see what we like and what we don’t like about a potential spouse. We get so upset and let ourselves get so hurt after these failed dating and relationship experiences. But is it really him who is hurting you or you and your unrealistic expectations that are hurting you?

Don’t assume because he does something that you don’t like that he is a dick. Don’t assume that because he doesn’t say things the way you expect him to say that he doesn’t care. Maybe this means he really isn’t the one for you. Or maybe there something going on that you have no idea about. Did you ask him why? Did you ask him if he was okay? Did you tell him how you felt? Or did you just create your assumption on the situation and judge him for the perception that you have made up in your mind?

Stop expecting so much out of a man that you just met. Stop excepting so much of yourself within a relationship that you just started. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because this one didn’t work out. Stop thinking that there is no hope in dating. There is hope and there is opportunity but are you setting it up for success or failure from the get go?

Stop assuming. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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