I am writing this for you, because you are beautiful and I love you.
I don’t know exactly how you must be feeling right now. I don’t know how confused, numb, and pained you are. But I remember, you told me once that you felt pained, unloved, and tired for unknown reasons.
Just out of nowhere you would feel like you didn’t matter anymore. In a blink of an eye your beliefs and emotions changed so fast that you wanted to shut everyone out from your life.
Then you told me you were diagnosed with clinical depression. I asked if your parents knew, and you told me that you were afraid to tell them. Afraid of the words they might tell you instead of helping you out.
From there, I learned that being afraid is part of your illness. You are afraid of people not understanding your condition, afraid of being called out, afraid of being labeled as a freak, and afraid of social judgments.
And from there, you got me. You got my attention, my love, and my understanding.
I was once someone who was always surrounded by precious souls who were battling depression by themselves. I was once a witness to their personal battles with depression. And it was consuming.
It was consuming because I wanted to help them, to lessen their pain, to break down the walls they were trying to build when their illness wanted to take them into the bottomless pit of heartaches and numbness.
I wanted them to open up, just to lessen those painful thoughts. I wanted them to share their confusions, their whys, their undying pain.
But I realized that it was always you who would help yourself from depression. It’s not the judgmental society who will help you. Not your annoying so called friends and asshole officemates. It was always you.
Because you know yourself better than anyone. You know your exact emotions. You know exactly how painful it is. You are strong. You are brave. You are a fighter. And you are the master of your own.
So don’t let your illness rule you. Don’t let it dictate what you must do, say, and feel. Don’t let that shit define you.
I am writing this for you and for everyone who is battling depression. This may not help you but for sure this will remind you that you are not alone. That you are loved. And you are worthy of life.
So if your mind is tricking you into harming yourself or, worse, ending your life, simply remember that you are the boss of yourself. Don’t let depression dictate what you must do, and be the boss that you are.
Live life to the fullest. Eat whatever you want. Shop for dresses, jeans, and tops that looks good on you. Visit places you have never been to before. And give love to those people who will always stand by your side. Those people who were there to love you back. And be the best version of yourself every single day.
It may be difficult to begin with, but I am here to help you go through it. Little by little. And the time will come when you unknowingly surpass it.
You are beautiful so don’t let depression ruin it. Don’t let it ruin your life. Or your beliefs.
And always remember that I love you.