How To Be A Total Babe
First, understand that being a babe has nothing to do with how you look. It is anything but. It is your inner goddess. It is the birthmark on your cheek. It is embracing the impulsivity that comes with your ADHD. It is being yourself, completely and outrageously. Realize that “babe” is confusing, enticing. “Babe” has two sides to her. Two faces. She can be endearing to some and offensive to others. Realize that you have two sides to you. You are said to be loving, but cynical and sardonic as well. Own that. Carry it with you in the back of your size 26, Madewell, boyfriend jeans.
When you fall for the boy with the girlfriend, let them breakup before you make your first move. Decide that you have class and patience. When they do break up, start texting him. At night, in the morning. Do not for one second follow society’s gender roles and cower out of starting the conversation first. Be bold. Be direct. Confidence is alluring. When you start talking regularly, ask him why he has not asked you out yet. Set an ultimatum. Threaten to ask him out. When he finally does ask you out on Valentine’s Day, say yes. Smile when he calls you babe for the first time. Let your heart skip a beat.
When he changes his mind about you and breaks it off but tells you, “It’s me, not you,” believe him. Tell him he’s an idiot. Tell him he’ll never find anyone better. He won’t. But he doesn’t know that yet. Let him figure it out on his own. In the meantime, cry. Let yourself be sad. Being a babe is not about putting on a face, it’s about being genuine and letting the mascara run down your face. Lose sleep at night. Listen to your breakup playlist called “FINE.” Lose your appetite and let your mother worry. Let yourself feel this pain. Accept it and understand that one day, you will be back to normal.
When you get to college, surround yourself with good people. Make best friends with your new roommate. Tell her she is a total babe. She will thank you and let you cry to her. Cry about your ex-boyfriend and your parents divorce. Listen to Sam Smith. Drink some red wine. Go to sleep. Tuck yourself into bed like your mom used to when you were little.
Make yourself a cup of tea. Go back to writing. Try to remember why you stopped writing on your Tumblr page in the first place. Remember that it was because you were happy. Promise yourself that you will keep writing even when you do become happy again. Find quotes and worship Sex and the City. Tell yourself that you are Carrie Bradshaw and treat your new friends the way that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda treat each other. Realize that girls will always come before boys. Start feeling more and more like yourself again. More and more like a babe.
Go home and focus entirely on yourself. This is not selfish, this is what you need. Make a playlist of girl power songs. Name it “fuss”. You are too good for him. Say it everyday, until you believe it. Babes don’t let themselves be messed with. Not by fuckboys. Not by anyone.
Travel. Buy the painting that symbolizes being selfless, but knowing when enough is enough. Feel enlightened. Go to camp and write every night before bed. Start to feel like your old self again. Feel full. When your boss tells you that you are “a tremendous staff member,” believe it. Tell yourself that you are a babe for being smart, adventurous, and genuine.
When you come back to school and your ex texts you, set your standards high. Remind yourself that you have amazing friends and that you are practically back to normal. You have come so far. Babes do not mess up their own progress. Find a new quote to live by. “If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.”
Rent the movie, The Way We Were with Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford. Recognize that you and Katie have a lot in common. Decide that you want to be like her. An independent, passionate, outspoken, babe. Make the connection that you have only dated Hubbell’s who could not handle you because you were too much for them. Remind yourself of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie realizes she was too much for Mr. Big. Find that quote. Read it. “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
Go out and have a good time with your girlfriends. Work hard in school. Consider minoring in creative writing because you are good at it and you like it. Do not slack off and do not quit things. Being a babe means you do not give up. On people, or on goals. When someone tells you that loyalty is one of your best qualities and that they have a girl crush on you, smile and say “thank you”.
Redefine what being a babe means. “A babe is someone who is completely and fabulously themselves at all times. A person who treats people the way they want to be treated- a woman who is not afraid to speak her mind, loudly. And someone who owns it- the good and the bad.” Tell the dictionary that they need to take a page out of your book. That in the dictionary, under the word “babe,” it should simply say your fabulous name.