Once again I’m feeling like I’m in a pickle. I don’t know what to do with my life. Oh so many times I’ve tried to work it all out. What am I going to do with my life? What do I love doing? What is my passion? What makes my soul sing? But how on earth do you figure that out?
I know myself pretty well, my strengths, my weaknesses, what things make me happy, and those that don’t. But even with all of that, there still seems to be something ‘missing’. Something so much deeper. It’s like there’s this yearning within me trying to reach out and grasp something, but I don’t know what it is. A pull, towards complete contentment with my choices and actions in life. But what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? How on earth, please, how, do I figure that out?
Some people make it seem so easy, like there is no other way they would spend their life. They’ve known since they were 8 years old, since they were staring at their first toy car, that they wanted to be a race car driver. And that’s their passion. That’s what flows through their blood. It’s what gets them up in the morning and no matter if they earn a living from it or not, they live for it.
But what if you have all that motivation, all that drive and rush of life, you can feel it within you, but you don’t know what purpose it serves? Because what if there isn’t anything out there to pull that trigger within you. Just as the question might be, what if the man who is so passionate about race car driving, was born in a time before cars were made?
We get so pushed to find what we love, find what makes us happy and create a life from it. But what if it’s not there? Do we just continue to search and search until we can look no further, to then settle for what we think will be the next best thing? Or maybe there isn’t something for everyone, no matter what era you were born in or what surroundings you were brought up and exposed to. Maybe the difference between someone knowing what they were destined to do, and someone circling the world and back three times chasing that feeling, is the person themselves. Perhaps, some people can drive themselves into loving something, or anything, and others, will always be searching. They will always have the feeling that there is something more out there for them, something greater and more fulfilling.
But is it not just that? The feeling of the unknown, of the complete freedom to search through endless curiosity, is exactly what they’re looking for. Which creates the greatest paradox. How can you search for something, when that something, is the feeling you get while searching? You can’t find something when you already have it. So now the real question is, should you continue around the endless cycle of trying to find the unfindable, or settle for something less?
Because I think for me, the feeling of being unsettled, is the most settling feeling of all.