If everything starts with a story, then love is a fascinating turn of pages, paragraphs, verses, and words arranged in a manner that reminds you how quickly it thrives on freedom.
Love isn’t linear, and it certainly does not last forever. The moment we try to control it, we may find ourselves farther from the very thing we crave.
I spent every minute of my day from 2018-2020 dealing with the pain of divorce. The moments after realizing the women I wanted everything to do with wanted nothing to do with me were some of the darkest days of my life.
The place I called home was now a mattress in my little brother’s office. The shared rituals and daily routines that shaped my family were replaced with late nights at a bar and chasing women to prove my self-worth. And the future I built was crumbling every day I woke up and saw her with someone else.
During my divorce, I became someone I was not. It was as if I created this alternative identity to validate my self-worth. Every day I woke up, I found myself caught between the past and future as I frantically looked for ways to make sense of my divorce.
From the conversations missed to the telltale signs that something was off, I ended up crafting a story, making me the victim rather than finding ways to learn from the behaviors and patterns that got me to the divorce in the first place. In my own selfish attempt to grieve the loss of my former life, I resisted the divorce at all costs. For a good reason, I made her not choosing me immoral and wrong, and the moment I decided to control the outcome of love was the moment I missed out on ample opportunities to heal.
In reality, the story I told myself surrounding my relationship was to prevent me from uncovering the truths I was afraid to face. I didn’t come to this revelation with time, sleeping with other women, or drinking away my sorrows. I truly grasped this concept when I finally had to explore my own heart and love invited me to grow into all of who I am. None of it has been an easy process.
Knowing we can choose to love someone to the best of our ability and they can still walk away is the price we must be willing to pay if we are to live with an open heart. It sounds confronting, but if you live in constant fear of facing heartbreak, you miss out on ample opportunities love provides because the love you have is conditional.
I’ll never judge anyone going through heartbreak, because everyone’s quest for emotional healing starts somewhere. When you can shift your perspective away from trying to control the outcome of love, you’ll find time doesn’t heal the heart’s wounds, only the heart does.
When you think about the people you admire and are in happy relationships, you’ll usually find that those couples understand love thrives on freedom. Love is simply an unconditional relationship. The only way to live with an open heart is by looking at the identities, stories, and expectations you have around love and how you show up to the world.
Writing my experiences on heartbreak is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life, but also something that has allowed me to find genius from my wounds. I have learned sharing my stories enables me to heal my heart and many others in the process. Through this, we can transform the world of love together.
Sure, as you experience the freedom love has to offer, you might stumble upon a few more heartbreaks. You’ll encounter love you think was meant to last forever, but that’s okay; relationships are meant to teach us many different lessons in life.
In the end, heartbreaks will forever remind us love only survives when it thrives on freedom.