Rejected Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

When He initially conceived the Four Horsemen (the fearsome Conquest, War, Plague, and Death) not even the Universe’s Almighty Creator could have foreseen just how awful things would get. After recently emerging from a 372 year nap, the Lord Our God convened an emergency meeting with all the angels to immediately discuss adding between 32 – 84 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. A motion was also made to change the vehicle to a Hummer or Prius.

Prius of the Apocalypse is likely to pass in the near future.

The following are a list of ‘Horsemen’ considered to lead the devilish armada as it rains destruction down on Earth in the very near future.

1. Memes

2. Gerrymandering

3. Post-Grunge (Particularly Puddle of Mudd and Godsmack)

4. 24/7 News

5. Great-Aunt Beatrice’s Faygo Cola Jello Pudding

6. Local News

7. Irony

8. All Newscasters

9. Those Cuboid Cars

10. Ukuleles

11. Radio DJ Who Talks Over the Beginning of “Bohemian Rhapsody”

12. Apathy

13. YouTube Comments

14. That Bumper Sticker Where Calvin Mischieviously Urinates

15. Kony 2012

16. Men’s Rights Activists

17. Crusted Milk Under the Cap

18. Bathroom Stall With Broken Lock

19. “You Must Install the New Version of iTunes”

20. Cat Videos

21. Political Ads