Sometime in our life, we are bound to meet this one person who came in and stole your heart and then just chucked it away when they are done with you. There could be a multitude of reasons why they did that – and no one is here to point fingers or assign blame – but when it happens to you, you need to move on. Easier said than done. No? Let’s just start slowly…and for all those who never had to experience such heartache, good for you! Now stop gloating!
1. Remember how there was a time whenever something happened, no matter how objectively small and insignificant it was, you would want to share the news with the person via text (come on, who still calls these days). Don’t. Tell another friend instead just to get it out of your system. Or post it on your Facebook or Twitter. Tell anybody but that person.
2. You could block him/her totally out of all your social media/chat apps. But the big worry here is whether that is too drastic a move, especially if you guys separated “amicably” – honestly. Nonetheless, initiating this move would surely limit your exposure to the person and thereby the risk of relapse, and the need to have that “next fix”.
3. Distract yourself. Plunge headlong into work or projects. Start doing things that you have always wanted to. Learn a new language, pick up a new skill, start reading those books piling up on your shelf, binge watch all those series that you never had the time to, etc etc. If your mind is occupied with something else – hopefully – pleasurable then perhaps you will stop thinking so much of the person.
4. Do not keep your feelings bottled inside. Let it all out, or as Adele Dazeem would say: “Let it go…”. There will always be the phase after that person has left that we would start rationalising thoughts and behaviours both current and past, and we all somehow feel that we are able to self-rationalise ourselves out of feeling sad. It rarely works. Talking through a problem with a mate has always been the more effective option – even Hannibal Lecter has his own psychiatrist! But if for any other reason there should be no one to talk to – he/she was a secret lover, a straight person in a gay relationship, no one believes in aliens! – then write it down. Let it out. Writing it out will at least help you to think.
5. Delete all the texts, sexts, pictures, videos or whatever else that the person had sent you. Stop listening to “our music” or even songs that they liked. If there are no reminders of the happy times, it will be easier to forget that they had actually existed. But, no I am not advocating that you forget him/her entirely. That is up to your own discretion and the amount of hurt of that you suffered. Our memory is a wonderful things, it locks up everything inside your head and you do not really actually need a physical object to recall especially if it was an important moment in your life. It will be there. Always. Somewhere.
6. Treat the person like a drug, and getting rid of an addiction will require discipline and an end-date. Establish an end date for yourself to be totally rid of thinking about the person. For all the above, tell yourself by when do you need to want to stop texting him/her, to stop having him/her invading your thoughts, to stop having to look at the old photos again and again before you sleep, and to start living your life again as fully as you had led it before him/her.