The first hit did not come from your hand but from words on your lips.
When everything started you were so sweet. You were kind, you opened doors for me, you told me that I was beautiful. You were the perfect gentleman.
But I know now that gentle is never a word I would use when describing you.
Day after day your words would hit me. Picking out my insecurities, using things I trusted you with against me. Until one day it was no longer just your words that struck me.
You see, when you are in love your judgement is clouded. You make excuses for the way that they treat you. You start telling yourself that it was your mistake and you deserve the way that you are being treated.
You feel like you cannot walk away because you are dependent on the relationship. You tell yourself that you cannot leave because this is just a “challenge” in your relationship and you can fix this. You convince yourself that everyone else cries themselves to sleep and everyone else knows what this feels like.
The worst part of it is when you ask them why they are hurting you they always reply the same way. They say, “Because I love you.”
You see, we made a mistake when we told young girls that the boys that tease them and pull their pigtails on the playground because they have a crush on them. We made a mistake when we told them cruel words are words of affection in disguise. We made a mistake when we told them pain is love in a twisted way.
Having someone treat you as their property is not love. Covering up bruises that they gave you is not love. Being choked against the wall with the same hand that has held yours is not love.
Something like this will stay with you forever. You will flinch when someone’s loving hands try to comfort you. You will be afraid to be with another person because you don’t know if you could handle another relationship like the last. When your friends make harmless jokes about abuse you will laugh along even though it is killing you inside. You may feel like you’re destroyed forever.
You will also heal.
After you walk away you will find the strength to take care of yourself. You will no longer cry yourself to sleep. You will no longer apologize for another behavior. You will not be dependent on another.
You will finally understand that the way they treated you was not your fault and you will never again allow someone to lay a hand on you ever again.