For so long, I have been enamored with the idea of you and me together again, three years since our breakup. I have always imagined of things that could have been our memories together. These ‘what ifs’ slowly ate my sanity and my wasted opportunities, as I lay longing and desperate for a romantic comeback.
Today, I realize that I am not in love with you anymore. This is the day I realize that I am just in love with the idea of ‘you’ – of someone who can be my constant companion, of someone who can be my anchor and guidance. I am in love with an idea and not of the real you. Ridiculous, right? All these time, I loved ‘you’ – the ‘you’ who left me, who moved on, and who realized could do better without me.
I saw you with your guy after we made cordial social niceties. As I look at you, it dawned upon me that you have found happiness. Maybe he has something I don’t have. Maybe I have something that you hate so much and found the opposite in him, which you adored so dearly. How can I compete with an immovable wall that strengthens you and makes you whole again? Which, by the way, let me be clear: I did not hurt you. You wanted change – change that I feared will you take away from me. Change for a future without me. And it did, as I set you free from me. For me, it is enough that you are happy. Forget my feelings, forget my petty jealousy. You will be doing well.
And now? I want to see things differently.
Maybe because I cannot forgive myself for letting you go, but, hey, years have gone by. The planet has returned to its original starting point so many times, while I am still searching for the path to redemption. This is a wake up call from the Universe telling me to stand up and take up a position to start anew. You deserve to be happy, and I deserve it, too – probably greater than you need to. I have been hurt, too, you know. I am getting up from this little pity party wallowing in faux sadness. I can be better without you. I know I will.
Things will never be the same, like you’ve said before. True enough, it will never be. Our paths that once met now diverged onto different directions. I hope you are happy, and, no, I will not hope you are truly happy, for it conveys a ridiculing message of me wishing we are still here in the same road together. I don’t want you anymore. Right now, I do not trust myself and all of the voices in my head yearning for your own voice. I, too, will be happy. I will also be content of the blessings and wonderful opportunities coming my way. I, too, will be moving forward and live well.
And I hope, one day, you will be proud of the progress I made.