Successfully cohabitating with your partner may mean following one or all of these 13 tips:
Overcoming their flagrant misuse of kitchen towels and sponges even though you’re dying inside watching them wash dishes with the counter sponge.
Cutting them slack the next morning when they came home drunk, woke you up, and aggressively tried to pee on your shoes the night before.
Arranging any childhood teddy bears in various positions of depravity to surprise them when they get home.
Watching that glob of guacamole drop from their mouth onto the floor you JUST washed and saying nothing, just calmly cleaning it up.
Having respective chores. Surprising them by taking a turn at one of their chores: changing cat litter, recycling, etc.
Forgiving any laundry-related incidents no matter how tiny or pinkened the clothing has become.
Concocting incredibly elaborate backstories about your neighbors to the extent that you text each other pretending to be them. “Hello Mark, it’s me Zondrah, the sexually aggressive divorcee from 10B. I’ve just poured some gin, cranked up the Toni Braxton, and I’m feeling like making some bad choices tonight….”
After walking in on them dancing, you say nothing, put down your bags, and join in.
Hosting their friends and family without begrudgery and gracefully accepting their thanks when the visit has passed and you’re cleaning an apartment that looks like it was raided by a particularly clumsy band of Navy Seals on a search-and-destroy mission.
Staying distant or silent when your respective TV programs are on. This includes absolutely NO disdainful huffing or sighing.
Knowing that when a movie decision must be made someone will be aggrieved. Take turns being this person.
Accepting that any food cooked or brought into the home is shared food except for incredibly serious circumstances which will be made very clear in advance.
Figuring out that The One Tiny Thing They Hate and making an effort not to do it. Except sometimes…just to piss them off.