Moving On Is Easy, Letting Go Is Hard

Flickr / Benjamin Balázs
Flickr / Benjamin Balázs

You move on not because you want to, but because you have to. You can’t live every single day being miserable, dwelling on what ifs and taking the blame for yourself. No break-up is ever easy. First you deal with a pain so strong it consumes you. Your chest feels like it’s on fire— ragged and burning around the edges; after which, an emptiness that finds its way even into the smallest and darkest corners of yourself.

Even with a multitude of friends surrounding you, no one seems to know the right thing to say simply because; there is NO right thing to say. “Move on” and “you’ll find someone better” are among the most annoying pieces of advice you have to listen to time and again. It’s a painful realization because you’re still in that vulnerable stage wherein the only person you ever want is the one who just walked away.

Other people tell you to remove all traces that remind you of her. So there, throw the notes, the small stuffs she gave you. But at the end of the day, you find yourself battling with something you can’t easily discard – your memories together. No matter how hard you try, you can’t throw it away. And the more you try to forget, the more those moments sharpen in clarity and become almost palpable. You long for things you neglected in the past- gestures you didn’t appreciate. You strain to hear words of love you used to find mushy and sappy.

But it’s behind you. Stop torturing yourself with regrets. Past is the only time you have no control over.

Yes, you’ve built your plans around her and when she left, everything started to fall apart. The future suddenly became bleak and blurry. Before, you had a clear image of yourself in ten years; now, all you aim for is surviving every minute of every day.

You have woven your lives together and after, you have to untangle each thread. The pain will wash you like waves. But then again, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

So, stop running away from the pain. 

I know you still wake up with a gaping hole around your chest. Sometimes, it feels like you’re stoking the last embers of the flame. But it’s normal.

You want a harsh truth?

You’re alone. You’re in this by yourself.

Yes, you have family and friends. But no matter how eloquently you define what you’re going through, it’s lost on them. Why? Because it’s your heart, your mind, your feelings. It’s difficult to pass on the pain to someone just so you can be relieved of the burden of having to deal with it. 

It hurts? That’s good. It means you did love her truly. But stop wallowing in self-pity and anguish. It’s over, done, the end. Don’t think for one second she’ll come lapping at your feet just because she knows you’re drowning yourself in misery. 

You both shared a love that was beyond anything you’ve ever experienced. And now, you’re feeling a pain such that you have never known. 

You can’t JUST stop loving her but you ought to start loving yourself. Keep in mind what Frank Herbert said, “There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” TC mark

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