5 Inevitable Things That Happen When You’re OBSESSED With A TV Show

By Gayathri Angou

I am a sucker for all things TV. I’m talking Netflix marathons, the preference to spend the weekend all by myself “chilling with my laptop” instead of doing other human things, all that very social stuff. However, I wasn’t always like this (there were times I worked hard you guys.) I got into this realm of binge watching about one month after finishing the IB. I’ve been on my gap year ever since and will be attending college in one month. While I’ve done meaningful gap year things like travel across India, I’ve also watched copious amounts of TV.

Here’s a list of shows that consume my time, energy and existence: Parks and Recreation, SUITS (capitalized because its my life source), Brooklyn Nine Nine, New Girl (that season 4 finale though), Community, The Mindy Project, The Big Bang Theory, How To Get Away With Murder, White Collar, Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, The Office. And NO! I haven’t started Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad or Scandal or Mad Men. I shall soon. Through this journey of weaving in and out of TV reality, I’ve noticed a pattern. A set number of classic withdrawal syndromes and phenomena occur when I’m too invested in a TV show, *ahem* Suits *ahem* so here’s me detailing all those occurrences with the hopes that it will be entertaining.

1. You’ll re-watch current seasons endlessly until the new season comes out.

This is 100% me with Suits. I’ve re-watched season 4 seven times you guys. It’s unhealthy. You might be wondering how I waste so much time being an unproductive potato sack, and you’ll be wrong. I don’t waste “productive hours” on TV shows because I’m a phantom TV watcher. I pull an all nighter watching the entire season and go do productive things the next morning like nothing ever happened the previous night; I will pretend like I didn’t just lose 8h of sleep giving into my guilty pleasure; who needs sleep anyway. But really, thank god for coffee. So following this method, I’ve only spent seven oh-so amazing nights on suits season 4. I believe this is also the case with all you OITNB fans until season 3 came out. Because this was me until Suits season 5 episode 1 aired on June 24 (yes, I remember the date, it was a glorious day and an even more glorious episode.)

2. When you fantasize about what your future will pan out to be, you slowly realize you’re just replaying scenes in your head.

I’ll be working in a corner office overlooking all of Manhattan on the 50th floor of my building; I’ll be clad in Prada and LV and will be pacing up and down office corridors with a troubled face and in deep thought strategizing how I will emerge a winner from this merger-acquisition legal case and bring in 20% more billings for my firm; which by the way I own and built from scratch. Oh wait! That’s just Jessica Pearson from Suits. But I doubt this is the case with OITNB fans though, I mean no one aspires to be in a high security female prison. Or do they?

However, this is kind of motivating in a way. I’ve never wanted to work hard and land in Harvard Law as much as I do now. And before you mock me, yes I am aware its fiction and reality will be a whole lot different, but it nevertheless stirs desire in me. I guess I’ll have to wait and see how the law dream unfolds. And if it does, and I do work my butt off in college and find myself in Harvard Law, I’ll have Suits to thank.

3. You dream about it, literally.

Don’t you tell me that all you New Girl fans haven’t dreamt of playing True American with the gang because that would be lying. We all want to play True American with Jess and Nick and Schmidt and Cece and Winston, we all do. Let’s just embrace that fact. Or if you watch White Collar, don’t you tell me that you haven’t dreamt of decoding the Mossconi Codex with the gorgeous Neal Cafferey, or taking off to Cape Verde to escape the Feds forever, to attain safe haven once and for all. Yep, I’ve had both those dreams on many different occasions.

4. You start using phrases from the show casually in everyday conversations.

“Everything turns to shit,” “what the hell good does that do,” “oh that’s bullshit and you know it,” “goddamnit Louis.” I actively use all of these, even though the guy I’m talking to may not be named Louis.

5. A harrowing pit develops in the depths of your stomach when you realize the impending reality of the end of the series.

All good things will end. And that just blows. And I can’t help myself from imagining Dooms Day. I imagine that day would feel like the post apocalyptic scenes from Inception and I picture myself feeling devoid of meaning, treading through life like a zombie until the next best show captivates my senses.

That’s just five of many things I go through when I’m obsessing over a TV show and I’m pretty sure it’s fairly relatable. Here’s to hoping that the creative minds of Hollywood will continually entertain us plain folk.