As much as you may want to bring a pair of scissors to your next holiday party to start cutting down mistletoes and hurling them at people, know that there are better ways to deal with being single during the holidays. Between the couples’ ice skating, pumpkin picking and fornicating, you could easily find yourself down in the dumps about flying solo. Granted, it’s not the best predicament to find yourself in, but hey, it could always be worse. Right?
The holiday paradox can prove to be the same tedious re-run every year: everyone seems to be in great spirits, and you’re the sour puss in the corner. This year, rather than hibernating like a bear from Thanksgiving to January 2nd, take your singledom in stride. Here are the top 10 ways to survive the holidays if you’re single:
1. Be Your Own Santa
While everyone is out spends hundreds of dollars on gifts for their significant others during the holidays, you’re not. That is called silver lining. So, since you have all of this cash lying around, you might as well treat yourself to a little something that will lift your spirits. Go out and get yourself that new gadget you’ve been eyeing, or a little black dress that could possibly land you a date for next year’s festivities.
2. Spike Your Eggnog
Because nothing takes your mind off of things quite like a thimble (or 5) full of Whiskey in your holiday drink. Being around a ton of your family members during the holidays can be tough, especially if they constantly probe you about your love life (or lack thereof). There is only one known foolproof way to tune out your family: liquor.
3. Mingle With The Kids
Do you know who will never nag you about being 20-something and single? Kids. So, this holiday season, take some time out to sit at the kids’ table and talk about what truly matters: the new games for PlayStation, the art of throwing a slingshot and that chicken fingers are, in fact, a food group. Between the piggy-back rides and finger food, you’ll forget that your aunt is still trying to set you up with her neighbors, sisters, husband’s personal trainer.
4. Bring A Buffer
What are friends for if not to shield you from your family? This year, if you’re alone, bring along a friend to your family functions. This can work in your favor in two ways. First, if you bring your friend for Thanksgiving and claim that you two “just started seeing each other” it will get your family off of your back for a bit. Second, if you don’t feel like spending Christmas with them, just say you’re spending the holiday with his family. Win-win.
5. Keep Your Phone Within Eye-Shot
During the holidays, constant questions from your relatives are inevitable. Avoid the “so, is that like a real job with benefits?” question by faking a phone call. Excuse yourself and go hideout in another room for about 20 minutes, come back and tell them it was your boss. Then tell a white lie about how boss man wants to give you a bonus for all your hard work. Crisis diffused.
6. Fake a Headache
This typical excuse works wonders during family functions. Fake a headache, go into the other room and indulge in an hour or so of Netflix. You’ll undoubtedly feel much better after watching a few episodes of Homeland (or whatever you’re into).
7. Hide Your Dad’s iPod
Sooner or later, your dad will pretend he’s tech savvy, whip out his iPod and start relentlessly playing holiday “jams.” When he does, the couples of the family will get all cozy next to each other and induce whatever inner rage you may be feeling. So, it’s easier to just avoid all of that nonsense by hiding his iPod the second you get to the house.
8. Play With The Dog
Or if you parents don’t have a dog, get them one as a gift. The easiest way to ensure people don’t nag you is to give them something else to pay attention to. Last time I checked, everyone loves puppies. So get them one and watch everyone around you fawn over the new little nugget and forget all about you.
9. Try To Keep It Together
Sure, being single when everyone around you seems to be having a ball kind of sucks. However, rest assured that being single during the holidays isn’t the worst thing in the world. Just sit back, have a few more drinks, and try to relax.
10. Watch Home Alone
Because nothing is better than Home Alone during Christmas.