1. How terrifying the opposite sex can be in bars
You can say what you want about hazy college nights at frat parties, bi-ads, or 21 runs. The truth of the matter is, no matter how creepy that TKE is being, he’s a friend of a friend. And everyone knows he gets like that. In the real world, people ACTUALLY are that awkward and uncomfortable in public settings. It’s not a joke. Yes, he just “accidentally” touched your boob.
2. Utility Bills, Rent, Loans, Insurance, Quality of Life
There comes a point in time when a can of beans, cup of noodles and Franzia aren’t considered cool anymore. Probably because you are two years out of college, and some people you know are expensing five star meals on the company card. Let me help you out. Make macaroni & cheese BEFORE heading out the door, so at least you’re not as hungry and can get by ordering an app, and still feel slightly fancy if you are tight on money.
3. What it feels like to kill a cockroach in your first apartment
There really isn’t anything to be said about this one. Low point. And. Am I really that poor?
4. How detrimental Facebook is to your life after college
Remember when you were eligible to sign up for Facebook? Right when you decided what college you were going to, and had your fancy little college e-mail? Facebook was fun for four years. No one prepared us for the catastrophic self esteem plummet that happens when you log into your newsfeed and are greeted with a variation of three things: 1) Engagement Posts. 2) Travel pictures that look too good to be true when you are sitting at your desk with no windows. 3) The most emotional, depressing statuses that people decide to share with the world, because they can?
5. How expensive Whole Foods is
You’re trying so hard to be healthy because at this point in time, it’s a known fact that buying Organic and Free-Range is the best option. So, I guess I’ll spend my entire paycheck on some lettuce from Whole Foods. I’m sorry, did you say $180?
6. To always have 10$ worth of quarters on you
Laundry is no longer free. And if you live in the city, meters are now part of your utility bill. Dammit, Mom. I love you but I had no idea you wouldn’t be doing my laundry for the rest of my life. What kind of detergent did you use to make my clothes smell like that?
7. Thrift Store Buying & Selling
Thanks to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis; those who haven’t partaken in thrift shopping now can see how beautiful it is…walking into that musty room full of opportunity. Although you did originally pay $150 for those pair of jeans, you can still get $35 for them. Don’t complain. Sometimes you can find treasure in these shops. Promise.
8. How to properly negotiate your Internet & Television bill
Oh Time Warner & Direct TV. Ever having a bad day? Need a release? Call up your Cable & Internet provider and urge them to reconsider your bill, otherwise you will be dropping their service and picking up their competition. You will be surprised with HOW BADLY they need you. And sometimes, it feels good to be that needed. You’re welcome.
9. Friendships & relationships evolve
So you don’t have that much in common anymore with the people you hung out with in high school & college. In fact, you can’t believe half of the things that are coming out of their mouths. But guess what. The friendships that you do make in your 20s are surprising & wonderful. Friends become family. They will love you, support you & understand you in ways no one else can. Truth.
10. All the complaining we did in college doesn’t even touch real life
Right now you’re wondering how you spent two weeks of your life moping around campus because your four month relationship just ended, you failed a test and Jessica left the dishes in the sink for the um-teenth time.
To those lucky enough to be protected by tests, essays & skipping class because they can, heed the following words: Life. Is. Good. Enjoy the moment and try to learn as much as you can outside of the classroom. Don’t stress out. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Worship these four years of your life. Be grateful. And try to discover what you want to dedicate your life too, and what makes you happy. Do the right thing & treat others the way you want to be treated.