I Refuse To Live This Life Half-Heartedly

friends sitting outside
Twenty20 / @julienajarry

I refuse

To sit inside

Reading books on books

On how to heal

Oh no

You’ll find me

Slowly but surely

Dismantling the walls

Built of every man I’ve ever loved

Every storm I’ve ever weathered

And survived

I refuse

To sit inside

Reading books

On how to live life to the fullest

Oh no

You’ll find me

With dirt under my nails

Scrapes on my knees

For I am not afraid

To fall

To get messy

To make mistakes

And learn from it all

I refuse

To sit on the couch

Talking and talking

about all the things I want to do

Oh no

You’ll find me

Doing

Trying

Seeking

Creating

Failing

Hard and often

And this is what I will share with you

On that couch

Over a cup of tea

And gratitude

I refuse

To sit inside

In front of the mirror

Trying to raise my self esteem

With empty words I don’t believe

Oh no

No, no, no

You’ll find me

Being

Loving

Giving

Serving

This world

With all I got

For they say

Self esteem comes from estimable acts

I refuse

To sit inside

Hiding behind books

That talk about

How to love

Oh no

You’ll find me

Running my fingers over each crack

Of every broken heart I’ve ever experienced

In awe

Of the strength

In my softness

And I will show up

With an undefended heart

Time and time again

Too brave to let my fears

Of abandonment, rejection, and hurt

Convince me otherwise

I refuse

To take myself

Or this life

Too damn seriously

For none of us will make it out alive

I don’t want

to be too careful

Or to play it safe

When there are so many

Experiences to be had

And lessons to be learned

The best

And only way I know how

By living TC mark

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