It’s no fun telling the Dunkin Donuts employee she makes a “damn fine cup of coffee” when all she does is give me a blank stare back.
In the past, to appease the fandom desires of their kids, my parents have: attended midnight screenings of all LOTR movies, seen four *NSync concerts, dressed up like the Teletubbies, driven two hours to a book signing by the cast of RENT and DVRed every episode of Ryan Seacrest’s daily talk show.
That’s one thing I’ve noticed while indulging this melancholy: the best songs for weepy introspection always, always, always reference coffee. Below, the best “sad-coffee” playlist in the world. Put it on, wait for it to drizzle outside, brew a fresh pot and curl up in a window sill. It’s time to stare out into the street, sip some joe and feel super sad.
I stood alone in the back. You weren’t doing material; just riffing and talking to the small crowd. There was a spotlight on you because of the stage lighting, but I would have imagined one anyway.
Benedict Cumberbatch is the star of the BBC show Sherlock and also of this one reoccurring dream I have where we ride unicorns off into the rainbow mist and make out under a shooting star.
My friend Jason suggests that maybe people didn’t react or help because the man in my story was clearly homeless. Maybe they thought he didn’t matter. What if it was my hand — that of a young white woman — that’d gotten caught? Would the conductor have noticed faster? Would people have responded with concern?
Hey Judy-Booty-Bo-Booty-Banana-Fana-Fo-Footy! It’s your agent calling. Lots of “dead girl” and “waitress” roles after ‘Love & Money’ was cancelled, for no reason! I just don’t get it! A TV show about a penthouse-dwelling socialite falling for a blue collar guy? The premise was so fresh!
I even attended Space Camp in Titusville, Florida and Huntsville, Alabama once at the age of ten and again at twelve using money from my bat mitzvah. I knew how intense the training was and the kind of rigorous physical demands it made on one’s body to be able to be an astronaut. I was weak, with tiny spaghetti arms and a peanut-sized frame. Still, I dreamt of going into space.
Covered in impact craters and named for the god of war, Mars has definitely been through some sh-t. If it’s your favorite planet, you’re strong and rugged. If you’re a girl, you identify with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or the chick from Little Giants. If you’re a guy, you wear a camouflage hat even when you’re not hunting.
A sophomore, Jillian was 5 1/2 months pregnant. Recently, she’d failed gym for not participating and the school had wanted to know why. She’d broken down and told them the truth.