We rip apart young people for not working hard enough or not having jobs and then we rip them apart again for working hard and having jobs. How dare this generation not support themselves immediately out of college! How dare they ask their parents for money! How dare they have massive student loans! Wait, what? A young girl has a well-paying job and acknowledges her debt? BURN HER, FOR SHE IS A WITCH.
Transform into a bat and flap away into the night.
Even in the dark, you are the constellations in the black sky, the campfire in the woods, the firefly against the glass of the mason jar.
So fine. I bail. I get half-way through the marathon or whatever metaphor you want to use, and then, I take off.
Talking to a teenager is like trying to rationalize with someone drunk off tequila — they’re these terrifying bundles of rowdy emotion and they can not be controlled or confronted with logic.
This is the cutest thing to grace my ears in a while. Jeff Cohen, a public radio reporter for NPR, sat down his two daughters Sadie, 5, and Eva, 3 to interview them about the time Sadie gave Eva a disastrous home haircut.
If humanity had a family crest, do you know what would be on it? Pizza.
You could have snapped your fingers between the time it took for us to admit our feelings for each other and the time I started leaving clothing at his place. More instant than your coffee. Bam! Dating! Very seriously!
When people ask me how I’m doing, they don’t want to hear me ramble about an article I’m writing or a book I’m editing. They are asking how I am doing. And often, I don’t know. When I’m not working, I don’t feel entirely whole.
Doc Hudson from Cars: Older guy. Not married. Named after Rock Hudson. Obsessed with Owen Wilson. You do the gay math.