1. Social Justice Activists
These people are the loudest in the Tumblr game. They are everywhere, ready to reblog a post that uses the word “crazy” in an ableist way and scold the person doing it. You run the gamut of social justice people on Tumblr — often, they’re just kindly pointing out stuff you may not know (fair enough), but sometimes they’re reeeeeal intense and should just be left to their own corner of the internet. If you f–k up, trust me, they’ll find you.
2. Celebrities (?)
I don’t just mean Aziz Ansari or Dianna Agron. Those real-life celebs are just “okay” on Tumblr. I’m talking about Internet kings and queens like John Green and Grace Helbig, who regularly respond to fans on social media. That’s one of my favorite super-neat aspects of Tumblr. You can totally contribute to the work of and interact with people you admire and think are brilliant. Sometimes they answer questions, sometimes they want your ideas for what to make videos about, sometimes they “like” or reblog what you say about them. Anyone cool could see anything you post. Love it.
3. Fangirls and boys
This is a huge contingent of the Tumblr community — and in a lot of ways, these are my kinfolk. I started out on the internet as a fangirl and I certainly haven’t forgotten my roots. They make videos, write fanfiction, Photoshop kisses. It’s kind of the best. If you’re into a couple, I promise you there’s a place for you on Tumblr with other people squeeing just as much. Every fandom is represented. This is my favorite part of Tumblr, for actual love and also for a fascinating sociological look into human obsessive behavior.
There’s a great feminist community on Tumblr with a lot of people exchanging really interesting ideas. Granted, Tumblr is a place where anything can be turned into a feminist critique. That’s both a good thing and a bad thing, depending. I often feel a bit of whiplash trying to keep up with what they all love or hate on any given day. I love feminism and I love reading about and discussing feminism, but Tumblr feminists are a special militant breed that it’s hard to keep up with. Get in hardcore or just forget about fitting in with them. They go big or go home.
5. Porn Proprietors
Who wants to see endless gifs of people getting pounded in the butthole? Turns out there’s a Tumblr for that! Looking for artsy photos of women being tied up? There’s a Tumblr for that! Try typing “James Deen” into the search bar. Good luck. There goes your afternoon!
These people are responsible for many of my shame spirals. The Tumblr foodies are a k-hole it is great to fall into when you have groceries and terrible when it’s 4 in the morning and you’re starving and your pantry is bare. Listen, you’re reblogging that picture of a 10-tier cake but you’re never gonna eat that 10-tier cake or any cake because you’re under your covers in the dead of winter with no ingredients. Stay away from me, Tumblr foodies. You’re all life-ruiners.
Oh, some beautiful girl is looking down, her hair billowing in the wind, gold Marc Jacobs watch on her wrist, floral pattern shirt and colorful pants. Maybe there’s some text about how hard it is to live in this world without you or something. If you ever want to feel badly about yourself, try looking up people who get free clothes and make-up for posing pretty on Tumblr. You will feel like an actual troll. Avoid it unless you’re in the mood to ‘Princess Diaries’ makeover yourself.
8. Exercise Extremists
There’s a big fitness community on Tumblr where people count calories and measure their run-times like they’re gonna need to outrun a lion on safari soon. They show off their new Nikes, share healthy recipes and post their weight goals and how close they are to reaching them. They’re also not an intrusive bunch so if you go looking for the health nuts, they’re there but otherwise they’re too busy mainlining smoothies to bother with the rest of Tumblr.
9. Lonely Teenage Girls
My people! Where we used to gather on Livejournal to share sad poetry and talk about how no one will ever love us, we’re now on Tumblr for that very same thing. I gotta say I find this brave. I locked up my LJ when I was in high school so to think Tumblr links are just public websites seems terrifying to high school!me. Do you guys take precautions so no one finds your stuff? I hope so because in a few years, it’ll all seem reaaaaal embarrassing. Luv u! No1 gets us!
10. People Who Believe They Are Not People
I don’t know how else to explain this one, so check it out on your own. Search “otherkin” if you dare. That’s some real Tumblr shiz. We are internet people. We are not messing around.