Ron Swanson, a grumpy woodsman who hates people, has somehow wormed his way into the heart of Parks and Recreation‘s fandom. He’s become the show’s unlikely core; a steady, fatherly rock among all these zany characters, but that’s not to say Ron isn’t a ridiculous breed of human.
He’s picky. He’s grouchy. He likes what he likes and that’s all there is to it. His quirks, his love of meat, brunette women and breakfast food, his secret identity as jazz musician Duke Silver, and his ability to quickly widdle a canoe make Ron Swanson one of a kind.
Inspired by this season’s new start and the part of the premiere where Ron tells a park ranger that he has a permit and then just pulls out a piece of paper that says, “I can do what I want,” (HAHAHAHA) here are five of our mustachioed hero’s greatest moments.
1. “Bring Me All Of The Bacon And Eggs You Have.”
This is the moment I knew I loved Ron Swanson. Frustrated by the state of his steak, Ron tells a blank-faced restaurant employee to bring him all of the bacon and eggs the establishment has. Then, he delivers the most sincere, Ron Swanson-y line of all.
2. “I’m A Simple Man.”
After getting back with his crazy ex, Ron stands in front of a stock photo he had framed and makes another great declarative statement about himself: “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast foods.” Do you really need anything more out of life?
3. Pulling Out His Own Tooth
Who else would apply frontier medicine to a toothache and pull out his own tooth during a government meeting? Ron Swanson, that’s who.
In this clip, Ron takes care of his medical problem on his own, without a dentist. Everyone screams, “No!,” Tom faints and the move successfully derails Ben’s annoying recycling initiative meeting. But in the talking head, it’s revealed Ron has more tricks up his sleeve. “It’s always good for your co-workers to know you can stand intense amounts of pain,” he says.
4. The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness
I want this on a TV shirt. Ron, coaching a group of youth basketballers, decides to share with them the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. It includes things like the importance of BO and the right type of haircut, to beautiful wooden ships and romantic love. (Ron did once say, “If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point?” when discussing why he got married twice. Both to women named Tammy.)
Are you tempted to live your life according to the principles of the Swanson Pyramid? You’re not alone.
5. Drunk Dancing
My personal favorite Ron Swanson moment, and it doesn’t even need him to say a word. Everyone from the Parks department gets wasted on Snake Juice at the Snakehole Lounge and there’s a series of talking head shots with everyone being drunk.
When the camera cuts to Ron, he is having THE BEST TIME OF THEM ALL. If you don’t laugh watching drunk Ron, you have no soul.