Sometimes I entertain myself by recalling favorite stand up bits that made me snort with laughter. One of my favorites is Matt Braunger’s joke about how movie stars used to sing the very literal theme songs to their movies. I also like when the theme song to a movie just recounts the plot of the movie.
Guys, why don’t we do that anymore? That was awesome. We should go back to that. It made movies way better, plus who doesn’t want to relive the exact plot of what we just saw in musical form? Idiots, that’s who. Here’s some really great examples of this shining time in our history. I posit we were better off.
Wild Wild West – Will Smith
Men In Black – Will Smith
Will Smith is the king of this. Then again, rap is the easiest form in which to recount what just happened on screen. Not that I don’t appreciate his zeal for his own characters.
Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do) – Christopher Cross
“Arthur, he does as he chooses…” Please, Mr. Cross, explain the protagonist further. I’m not sure I get it.
Bat Dance – Prince
This whole soundtrack is Batman themed, so get on that. If you’d pitched me this movie, all you’d need to have said was “Tim Burton directing. Prince does the music.” Some genius was behind this.
Mrs. Robinson – Simon and Garfunkel
It’s a song about a fictional character. And it’s SUCH a great song. Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. You deserve it.
The Goonies Are Good Enough – Cyndi Lauper
This music video is a story, which is another lost art if you ask me. Cyndi Lauper never says die!
Space Jam – Quad City DJ
Lebron James wants to make Space Jam 2. I say it should only happen if Bull Murray agrees to appear in it and if Quad City DJs does another classic theme song.
On Our Own – Bobby Brown
This is from Ghostbusters 2 and LITERALLY is just the plot of the movie. It’s amazing.
Beyond Thunderdome – Tina Turner
What does “beyond thunderdome” even mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN, TINA TURNER?
Alfie – Dionne Warwick
Was this song even meant to be about Alfie? His name seems really tacked on just to fit into the movie. Was that done in post or something? I don’t get it.
Goldfinger Theme – Shirley Bassey
And the parody of that:
Goldmember – Beyonce
And really all James Bond theme songs. They’re not complex movies, guys. Why should their accompanying music be any different?
Big Trouble In Little China – Coup De Villes
Speaking of lost arts, why don’t music videos randomly include clips from the movie anymore? Was Crossroads the last time that happened? Bummer.