Thought Catalog

I WANT ALL THE DOGS

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When you love dogs, but don’t have your own, your life can sometimes mirror that of an alcoholic or addict. Most recently, I was with some friends at a bar and since we were close to one of their apartments, we decided to leave and continue drinking among the comforts of home. I’d met up with these folks a bit after they had and was feeling tired and drunk. I was considering going home until one of them said, “Oh! You guys can meet my dog, Mabel.”

Suddenly, I was on full alert. A dog! There was a dog at this apartment! “Be cool, Dunn,” I thought. “Don’t let on how excited you are.”

“Um,” I asked. “What kind of dog?” Under the table, I wrung my hands together.

“Just a little terrier,” she replied.

A LITTLE DOG?! LIKE ONE I COULD HUG?! OH GOD. STAY CALM, GABY. STAY CALM.

“Sounds cool,” I shrugged. We headed to the apartment.

To make a long story short: I got so wrapped up in the dog that no one else got the chance to pet him. I bogarted that dog. I also did not notice at all when one of our friends ate peanuts and had an allergic reaction so bad he had to stab himself with an Epi-pen. Wasn’t until later when someone else was like, “Man, how scary was it when Nate ate peanuts?” that I even realized something was going on beyond that cute, furry face.

So…I love dogs. If you have a dog, I would like to see it and/or meet it.

One time, a guy said to me, “I don’t necessarily want to sleep with every girl I see but I wish I had the superpower that I could just see their boobs if I wanted to.” This is how I feel about dogs. I don’t necessarily want my own dog, but I want to be able to see dogs whenever I want, with no strings attached.

For an addict like me, the summer is prime time. Suddenly, the way pretty ladies are now showing their knees in sundresses and dudes flex their shoulder muscles in colorful tanks — the dogs are out on parade. Every person I pass on the street seems to be walking the cutest dog I have ever seen. Each one is fluffier and sweeter than the last. I want to touch them, but it’s not appropriate so I settle for secretly taking pictures on my phone while pretending to text.

I’m tweaking. I’m trying to get my dog fix in any way I can, but it’s not easy to do it without blowing up my spot. Addicts have to be sort of stealth in order to avoid interventions and public concern. I’d be mortified if someone was like, “Um, did you just take a picture of my dog?” I’d rather be caught sexting.

Sometimes I’ll be with someone and they’ll start nonchalantly showing me pictures of their dog on their phone. I will seem calm. Little do they know I’m thrumming with the excitement of a thousand-person drum line. They’ll scroll through about ten photos or so, mesmerized and then shake their head, snap out of it and apologize to me. TO ME. “Sorry! Haha! You don’t need to see all those pictures of dogs that look exactly the same.”

Yes.

Yes. I do.

I need to see all the pictures of all the dogs.

Is this annoying to other people? Because it is not annoying to me at all. It’s almost a tease if you don’t show me every single picture of your dog that you have on your phone. I need to see him playing with a ball or cuddling on the sofa. I need to see him wrestling with you on the floor. I need to see him before AND after he got groomed.

Sure the internet has pictures of dogs, but that’s like …dog porn. It’s not the real thing. I can’t feel their soft fur or kiss their adorable fuzzy heads. I can’t snuggle a picture! And I can’t have my own because I live in a tiny apartment in New York City with my roommate and her two cats. It just wouldn’t be fair to add a dog to the mix. I’m not home enough to care for it and there’s not enough space for it to run free and live a happy life.

The point is: I’m jonesing. I need to see all of the dogs. All of them.

So please, if you see me out, take pity on me and show me your dog. I would absolutely like to see it. TC Mark

image – Geoff Hardy

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    • Cristina

      I feel the same way about dogs. Thank you for putting my feelings into words that I can laugh/cry about it.

    • Chrome

      I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. I’ve probably seen all the dog videos ever and also kissed and pet my computer screen way too many times than is normal. Not that it ever is.

    • E.

      This is an amazing article. I feel the same exact way! My dog obsession mainly lies with English bulldogs – if I see someone walking their bully on the street, I will stop them and meet their dog. Sometimes, I’m so excited by the prospect of a bully wiggling past that I will stand there and creepily stare. No shame.

      My boyfriend’s family has two Shiba Inus. They’re the sweetest little dogs EVER – they treat me as one of the family. When I’m standing at the end of his driveway, the dogs know it’s me walking up to the house and they start freaking out. They greet me at the door with toys and happy licks and frantic jumps.

      All of the dogs give me all of the warm fuzzies! I am bookmarking this article. :)

      • Melanie

        So Shiba Inus ARE that great? I mean ALL Dogs are great. But this is my bf’s new obsession and what we’re thinking of getting….you might have just put the final nail in that decision!!

        • E.

          Melanie, they are so wonderful!

          Their personalities are so distinctive. Rambo, the younger one (3 y.o.), had parvo as a puppy so he spent some time in the hospital; he was around humans a lot, and as a result, is a huge people-lover/goofball. Jazzy, the older one (5 y.o.) has characteristics that are more typical of a Shiba – she’s more reserved and not AS social – but let me tell you, when she wants her belly scratched… it happens! She’s a sweetheart.

          I can only speak from my experiences visiting them and spending time with them; I have never owned a dog so I can’t say I know everything that goes into owning one. From what I’ve seen, Shiba Inus seem to be great dogs to have.

    • FRENCHY

      hi are you me? I was walking down 2nd ave (UES) and saw this dog daycare with window display that looked into a room where the workers played with the dogs all day. they got paid to sit in a room all day and pet and play with the dogs. it blew my mind, how amazing is that, you don’t need to come home to a dog, you just get to play with them all day. Plus it will be different dogs all the time.

      • E.

        Dream job. Literally.

      • Emily

        I used to work at a doggy daycare. On the upshot it was really fun most of the time. We actually had regulars – the pets of wealthy folks from dual-career families, who are barely home M-F but don’t bat an eye pay $100/week to keep their dog in daycare while they’re at work. The downside was it only paid around $7/hour and we started work at 7am (so you can be there to receive the dogs when owners drop them off on the way to work), and there was always that one shitty dog. Literally, the shitty dog, that liked to shit and then roll around in it/step in it and then run up and put its shitty paws all over your uniform that for some baffling reason consisted of a white t-shirt and light khakis. We also had a regular that you couldn’t do fetch with or she would make you do fetch nonstop for the entire 8 hours and bark incessantly at you if you wouldn’t throw the toy. We had to take all the toys out of whichever room she was in, and sometimes even that didn’t work because instead of bringing us toys for fetch, she would bring us individual rocks or pieces of mulch and set those down at our feet and bark incessantly to get us to pick it up and throw it for her.

        Ah, still, it was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had.

    • http://strugglingsingletwentysomething.blogspot.com Katie

      Ha! I was exactly like this until I moved in with a roommate who had a dog, and I’m still like this with cats. Thanks for putting this into words!

    • LDN

      In hysterics.

    • Terra

      I love people that love dogs! If you can’t get your own, a great way to get your fix is by visiting local animal rescues/shelters and volunteering to walk their dogs. You would be making a real difference in the life of a dog that has has been dealt a tough hand…while enjoying yourself at the same time!

      • http://gabydunnthoughtcatalog.wordpress.com Gaby Dunn

        Oh! I love this. Great idea.

      • asavv

        Another awesome way to get your dog fix is being a foster mommy or daddy! You get all the canine kisses without the long-term commitment, while saving puppies from the pound :) I’m picking up my foster dog Alice the Boxer in literally two hours!!!!! TOO.MUCH.EXCITEMENT.CANNOT.COMPUTE.
        https://picasaweb.google.com/coppersdream2010/Alice02#

    • andia

      this is my life.

    • http://www.facebook.com/michellerows Michelle Garcia

      This is a hilarious article, not in a bad “you’re a creep” way, more of a hilarious in a “you just confessed something way too adorable” way.

      Be friends with me, I would be happy to show you the 13489768763 pictures I have of my precious/demon Australian Shepherd mix!

      Actually, here… you can like her on Facebook (The Roxinator – public figure)
      https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Roxinator/381927458510039

    • http://hannahdebbieblogs.blogspot.com debbie

      now I just really want to send you a picture of my dog. Can I? Is that creepy? He’s extra cuddly and cute, I swear.

      also, you’re kind of the best writer. Can I be you? (sorry. Creep here).

    • http://twitter.com/iamnzane Marissa Zane (@iamnzane)

      Your article just really made me want to listen to this song over and over again at work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4NMoJcFd4. So professional.

    • Sara

      I level with you, Gaby Dunn. Living in Chicago, I need to hold myself back with an invisible wall in front of me like a mime. “Do not rush that person and their little fluffy puppy, Sara. That’s how people get restraining orders.”

    • YFIYW

      Same here! I see a dog and automatically I find it cute, even if it’s a stray and it has patchy fur from disease (and I cry a little inside).

    • Amanda

      This is me. I HAVE a dog, and I still can’t get enough of all dogs everywhere. I obsess over friends’ dogs, my in-law’s dogs, my parents’ dog…. And when I’m done with that, I go online and search adoption sites. Glad I’m not the only one.

    • Mercedes

      I present to you, my dogs:

      Jamie, Bernese Mountain Dog, turning 5 years old: http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/185403_10150248327180378_3351237_n.jpg

      Chelsea, Rottweiler/Black Labrador mix, 7 years old (a picture of her turning 1 year old): http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/320_32282835377_7663_n.jpg

      Picture of them together: http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/154687_458189960377_2080686_n.jpg

      Picture of Jamie smiling: http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/154687_458189975377_6006989_n.jpg

      Picture of the heart pattern Chelsea has had on her bum since forever: http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/223769_10150248326920378_469047_n.jpg

      Walking the dogs on a cool morning at Scarborough Bluffs: http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/185243_10150248327220378_895151_n.jpg

      Chelsea at 6 months old: http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/40789_418037975377_2728970_n.jpg

      Well, I hope that satiated your need for dog photos.

      • http://gabydunnthoughtcatalog.wordpress.com Gaby Dunn

        !!!!!!!!!! Their tongues! They look so happy!!!!!!

        • Amorette

          I opened the first link and literally gasped the words “Oh my God,” at the beautiful face of Jamie the Berne. Last Thursday I was at the park and the people who were in our group playing volleyball had tied all the dogs to the same poll. Well, there ended up being two yellow labs puppies! I instantly hit the grass and started asking the dogs to play with me and pulled out my phone to snap as many cute puppy photos as I could. It wasn’t until my boyfriend walked over in a light sprint and said, “come on, you look like a weirdo over here taking pictures of all these dogs.” I sadly put my phone away as I was drug to my feet like a child with one arm in the air and disappointment that I could no longer dream they were all mine and reluctantly received the beer and the adult conversation I was invited to.

      • http://www.facebook.com/imurti Indra Murti

        mercedes, your dogs are beautiful!

        • Mercedes

          Thank you!

    • Eva

      I can relate, but I hate to break the news to you! Having a dog is not going to cure this addiction! I have several; and I still accost strangers on the street and manhandle their dogs! I guess i have less restraint than you because I have no issues at all approaching total strangers and snuggling with their babies. Especially when I travel and have been without my dog hair and drool fix for several days! Then i actually find myself gravitating towards places where I MAY be able to run into a dog!! it is a sad, but harmless addication!!

    • laura

      I feel the same way. my dog is home for the summer and I’m interning in nyc. after work I’ll sit in the park and just stare longingly at all the dogs and try to repress my excitement

    • Michaelwg

      Ditto. When I hang out with people who have dogs and they are saying things like “i’m super interesting, and fun to be around, and look here’s a witty thing that i’m saying also” I’ll reply with “Wha? sorry, i’m wrestling with your doggie, you said something? “

    • http://gravatar.com/michelephoto Michele

      So funny! I am also the same…You should do I what I am doing and volunteer at a shelter…That’s where I get my dog fix (wow I thought I coined that phrase lol) even though I have two at home. What’s your email? I’ll share some pics with you ;-)

    • amy

      You should probably friend my dog – i know its ridiculous that he has a facebook. I’ve had him for 9 great years, but for the past 3 have been living in ‘no-dogs allowed’ apartments – luckily my mom has very kindly taken him under her wing for me for the time being, and keeps me updated on his life via his facebook :) enjoy:

      http://www.facebook.com/sherman.tigriruller

      (and yes, that is a real duck that he is friends with)

    • jac

      this was so wonderfully hilarious :)

    • another member of the obnoxious-love-of-all-the-dogs club

      (:

      • http://natthemad.deviantart.com Natalie Jean

        • Mercedes

          Cute dog!

    • Hollis

      YOU ARE ME. thank you for this. <3

    • http://twitter.com/RachelERamirez Rachel Ramirez (@RachelERamirez)

      I don’t necessarily want all the dogs, but I want all the dogs to want ME. You know?

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