Choose Your Own Adventure: Cinco De Mayo

This year Cinco de Mayo falls on a Saturday and your plans for the day are not solidified. On one of the most glorious drinking days of the year, your options are widespread and precarious. While Cinco de Mayo is a recipe for fun, it is also as some say about St. Patrick’s Day, “amateur hour.” Any solid drunk knows that while you’re out practicing for the world’s best drinking days on Tuesday nights year-round, the streets will be full of punks and newbs who can’t handle their liquor — and unfortunately on May 5th, their quesadillas either.

That being said, you do have to make some effort to go out on Cinco de Mayo. So what are your choices?

Waking up on Saturday, you see you have a text from a friend in a group you’re pretty well-acquainted with. He wants to know if you’d be up for Mexican food brunch (with margaritas) in about an hour. You like these people, but you’d sorta hoped to sleep in and not start drinking too early because you don’t want to pass out as soon as it gets dark.

The problem with Cinco de Mayo being on a Saturday is that it encourages — nay, almost makes mandatory — the act of day drinking. Day drinking is either a super fun, low-key, relaxing time or it’s the absolute worst and you feel like sh-t for forever as you ride the electric waves of drunk-hungover-drunk-migraine-drunk-hungover that become your life.

Goddamn, you could go for a nice salty marg right now, but also it’s still early. If you go out now, you’re not going to go back to your apartment. Committing to leaving the house at this juncture means your Cinco de Mayo has officially started in 3-2-1. You’ll stuff your face with Coronas and tequila and limes and tacos for the next 11+ hours. Are you ready to do this crazy salsa dance? (Cue: the music from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.)

Right as you’re about to reply that you’re gonna sit this one out and meet up with them later, your friend sends another text. Oh! That really cute, smart, funny person you kind of have had a crush on for forever is going to be there. You guys always flirt but have never really hung out alone and it’s like, kind of a thing, but you’d really like to make it more of a thing. You’ve just never been sure how to get the motor running. Oh! Well, this might change everything.

You: text back that you really want to get some rest before big plans tonight and are going to pass or frantically start getting dressed and text back that you’ll be there ASAP. Save you a seat next to your crush!

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  • Addison Vawters

    Damn you Gaby Dunn. 

    This was great idea.

  • Emil Caillaux

    This is very, very cool.

  • Tanya Salyers

    So fun, do this more!

  • Steph Carcieri

    Who cares about my crush, I just exchanged numbers with Donald Glover.

  • Anonymous


  • Gunny Sack

    Why am I a girl?

  • Domino

    ahahahahahha, awesome.

  • Dogz

    can you please do a part 2

  • guest

    ahahaha Taco Bell

  • AnnamariaPhilippeaux

    This was a LOT of fun, I wanna see more of these!

  • Summer

    Amazing! I’m currently sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap with no plans at all, so I’m feeling quite #foreveralone but also strangely content with having no obligations [or friends] for the day. 

    • ObieGrrl

      I’m with you in solidarity! I’ve had a bong in my face for the past hour as I’ve been watching Gossip Girl. Whoa is me…perhaps I should be watching a Telenovela? 

      • Guestropod

        that sounds perfect and awesome

  • MadiCaruso

    This was great! ah I loved these kinds of stories when I was younger. So fun!

  • Anonymous

    Too bad there’s not an “It’s Also Derby Day in Kentucky” option. We Kentuckians have had two HUGE reasons to drink all day today! :)

  • Andrea

    I had no idea what this was, just thought it was some bad editing (Sorry Gaby!). Then I read the comments and realized! Oh! THIS. I know what this is. How clever. Loved it. :)

  • Guest

    Supermoon > Cinco De Mayo

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