Thought Catalog

50 People Who Should Have Planned Parenthood Wings Named After Them Before Tucker Max

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Tucker Max, the notorious author of ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’ had his 500k donation to Planned Parenthood Texas turned down yesterday. In an effort to decrease his tax burden, Max, who has written nastily about women, thought it’d be funny to donate the amount necessary to have a wing of the women’s health clinic named after him.

Planned Parenthood Texas has been seeking additional funding since the state legislature cut off Medicaid because PP provides abortions. Max says he supports the organization’s work. Part of me thinks PP should’ve laughed all the way to the bank. The other part imagines “The Tucker Max Planned Parenthood Center.”

Here are 50 people easily more deserving of a wing at Planned Parenthood than Tucker Max.

  1. Eleanor Roosevelt
  2. Elizabeth Cady Stanton
  3. Gloria Steinem
  4. Gloria Estefan
  5. Harriet Tubman
  6. Kirsten Gillibrand
  7. Hillary Clinton
  8. Whoopi Goldberg
  9. Goldberg the wrestler
  10. Frida Kahlo
  11. Sonya Sotomayer
  12. Kerri Strugg
  13. Mindy from Mork and Mindy
  14. Wilt Chamberlain
  15. Amy Poehler’s new baby
  16. Your aunt who lives in New Mexico and makes turquoise bracelets on Etsy
  17. Sandra Fluke
  18. Tracy Grandstaff, the voice of Daria
  19. Grace Jones
  20. Nancy Keenan
  21. Keenan & Kel
  22. Yoshi
  23. The guy who wrote ‘Hava Negila’
  24. Gilda Radnor
  25. Jane Curtain
  26. Jane from The Jetsons
  27. Your high school science teacher
  28. Lara Croft
  29. Louisa May Alcott
  30. Mary Shelley
  31. Shelley Duvall
  32. Clara Bow
  33. Tupac Shakur
  34. Kevin Youkilis
  35. Muggsy Bogues
  36. Brad Pitt in Moneyball
  37. Jonah Hill in Superbad
  38. Jackie Joyner-Kersee
  39. Rainbow Brite
  40. The end of the movie Spacejam
  41. Susan B. Anthony
  42. Women B. Shopping
  43. Betty Friedan
  44. Michael Crichton
  45. Jeff Goldblum
  46. A T-Rex that ate a cell phone
  47. Smurfette
  48. Elena Kagan
  49. Virginia Woolf
  50. Severus Snape TC mark
image – Amazon
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More From Thought Catalog

  • Josh Gondelman

    Gloria Estefan!
    The Rhythm is Going to Get You a Mammogram!

  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    Thoroughly surprised Joan Holloway didn’t make the cut. Or Samus Aran.

    • Anonymous

      Nah man. Peggy Olson forever.

  • Age

    I wish someone could explain to me the disgust of Tucker Max. I get it…he likes to drink and have fun and talk about his sexual escapades with women. And he made money off of it.

    This is (judging by his pictures) an average looking guy who is just charming enough to get stupid bar skanks to sleep with him. Are we pissed because of his actions or his bank account?

    • gwendolyn

      We’re pissed because he jokes about raping women.

      • Sara

        He doesn’t joke about “raping” women.  He gets women to have consentual sex with him and writes about his escapades in doing so…it might not be “high brow” humor, but it is a FAR cry from rape.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25908797 Sarah Anne Lloyd

        Coerced sex is not consensual sex.

      • Age

        Last time I checked, two drunk people making mistakes was just two drunk people making mistakes. It’s the reason a lot of kids are born. Good for you for being on the feminism train but you’re being a tad bit ridiculous at the moment.

  • JEReich

    “The end of the movie Spacejam”.

  • guest

    Severus Snape. Made my day.

  • http://twitter.com/laurajaynemart laura jayne martin

    Hahaha to basically all of them, but  “A T-Rex that ate a cell phone” made me laugh the hardest. Is that even a reference to something? God I hope you just made that up. Either way. Also, I’m somewhat surprised there isn’t one actually named for Eleanor Roosevelt. “What kind of lunatic would want to be Cleopatra over Eleanor Roosevelt?!” -Leslie Knope 

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s Jurassic Park!

  • http://twitter.com/MisterRong Rui Rong | 榮 瑞星

    You’re a fucking idiot. Gather all the information regarding this from first and secondhand sources before writing an “editorial” piece. You just sound like a self-righteous bigot of a moron here. Very disappointed.

    • Anonymous

      This is just a list, dude. I actually agree they should have taken his money. That’s why it’s a silly list and not a real editorial.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25908797 Sarah Anne Lloyd

        The Tucker Max Family Planning Center WOULD be pretty hilarious.

  • Sara

    This is just a pointless article…all of those “people” on the list WOULD deserve a PP named after them IF they contributed $500K…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25908797 Sarah Anne Lloyd

      jokez. get ’em.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TheDaveJuliano David Andrew Juliano

    If you really think a PP wing named after Tucker Max would be funny, please just GTFO

  • http://www.facebook.com/TheDaveJuliano David Andrew Juliano

    Also when the state of Texas can make you look like a jackass, you’ve officially failed pretty hard.

  • Kaitlynclement

    dude i live in austin… what a stupid decision on our part. [un]planned fail?

  • anon

    This is what we call a throwaway article. This is a way to have 50 diverse buzzwords so hapless Internet surfers stumble upon this half-assed list of random names. This is a way to get this page shared on Facebook and Twitter via simple, meaningless associations: “Ooh, Kenan and Kel!” “Ooh, Smurfette!” This is a way to increase ad revenue for TurboTax and Cox Media without provoking a single useful thought from a single reader.

    I’ve read Tucker Max’s book, as well as his blog, and I cannot recall a single sentence advocating or depicting rape. If I am wrong, I do not expect to be corrected, because Max’s detractors are too offended by his brand to read his book, too offended to have basis for their vitriol.

    Max depicts a sexually active lifestyle, not a lifestyle of sexual violence. His views on feminism are admittedly unpolished, but at the very least he attempts to self-criticize his output and his ideology. He is not a misogynist. Stop misusing that word: he does not hate women. He’s a writer who depicts boorish behavior, behavior that is far from unprecedented in our society.

    $500,000 is a lot of money. Declining this money seems to be a lose-lose situation. Max is denied opportunity to redeem his image through legitimate means, and a whole bunch of Texan women are denied the health care they need and deserve.  

    • ariel

      The only story I ever read that Tucker Max wrote was about a women, who was a model, he was determined to manipulate her into having anal sex. In fact, I recall reading about the techniques he had to manipulate her, for instance telling her he loved her just so he could have anal sex with her and run away. Once he convinced her to have anal sex he told his friend and had him hide in the closet to video tape the event without her knowledge. This is the ONLY story I ever read by this man. What conclusions did I come to?

      1) He is a manipulative sociopath who acts deceitful in order to get what he wants from women.
      2) His lack of empathy for this woman and her privacy only reinforces that he does not see women as human and are okay to use to his advantage.
      3) He is okay with violating a woman’s privacy but having another person watch and film an extremely intimate event so that he can get a laugh.

      So, please, explain to me how manipulating a woman into have sex with you by telling her that you love her and then having your friend video tape it is not misogynistic. Furthermore, on what planet does this form of violation not qualify as a type of sexual assault.

      • ariel

        *woman

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rj-Florida/100000108386015 Rj Florida

       I’m a guy and am by no means a sensitive soul(well ok maybe sometimes) but TM should just be flat put to death.

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