19 Tips For Males In 2012

  1. Don’t expect women to dress for your boner. I do not get up in the morning hoping you’ll see my new pants and pop wood.
  2. Stop approaching women who are alone on the street. Stop hollering at women “from the passenger side of your best friend’s ride,” as TLC would say. When has this ever turned out well for you?
  3. I will send naked pictures to whoever I goddamn please. Or I won’t. That’s my choice. You as a man receiving those pictures should probably not forward them around if they are sent to you — like you are a, you know, decent human being with feelings and compassion and common sense.
  4. If you don’t want women to think all men are dicks because of a few knuckleheads, maybe let your friends know they shouldn’t be assholes to women. If you see something (a friend speaking derogatorily about women, etc.), say something. (“Hey, man. Come on. That’s not cool.”)
  5. Don’t pretend you’re a guy in a beer or yogurt commercial. You’re not stupid, incapable of emotion and communication or genetically predisposed to be neglectful. Contrary to movies and TV, men are usually well-rounded, functional people!
  6. Don’t expect your significant other to feel loved because you’re not going out with the boys on her account. She will not be waiting for you. She will hopefully be busy with her own friends, hobbies and interests outside of you. If you want her to know you really love her, might I suggest saying, “Hey babe. I love you.”
  7. Don’t be an asshole to female sports fans. They already feel marginalized and all they want is to sit back, maybe have a beer and watch their favorite teams just like you do. Just because they are female, doesn’t mean they can’t speak intelligently about players or stats. Don’t belittle them. They are already out of their element, sadly.
  8. It’s okay not to like sports or video games. It’s okay not to like action movies. It’s also okay to like those things. Turns out none of that stuff has a gender! I know. It’s crazy.
  9. We get it, you like cars (and football in several cases). Or not. Maybe you like baking and 90s hip hop. Maybe you like New Pornographers and Converse sneakers. Maybe you like gardening and politics. Maybe you’re a whole person and not a gender stereotype.
  10. Treat people as individuals with minds and hearts, and not just like a body to pick apart for things like stretch marks and nipple hair. Every girl in the world, even your mom, has one boob bigger than the other. This is normal.
  11. Do not expect that a woman’s actions are always in some deranged effort to “snag a man.” It’s best to not be willfully ignorant and assume women don’t ever do anything that isn’t about men.
  12. Try your very hardest to never rape anyone. If you see a girl wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her. If you see a girl walking alone, don’t rape her. If you see a girl at a club put her drink down and turn away from it, don’t rape her.
  13. If you base your expectations of women on Marisa Miller, just stop. Or find someone like Marisa Miller. No judgement here.
  14. Remember that you are a fully-formed human being with interests and experiences and not a cardboard cut-out doll from the back of GQ Magazine.
  15. Take as many photos while out with your friends as you want! Upload them all to Instagram and filter them to make them pretty. You’ll smile scrolling through them one day.
  16. Remember that any body type can be attractive. Some women are just naturally thin. It’s actually faux-feminist to say that only curvy women are “real” or “healthy.”
  17. Don’t neglect your girlfriend when she needs you. You’re her support and her other half. If she, similarly, is being emotionally distant and is not being supportive of you, either talk to her about it or don’t stick around. You deserve someone who cares and gives you the attention you need (regardless of gender)!
  18. STOP pitting women against each other. Stop comparing two women solely because they’re both women. It’ll be a lot easier for female friendships to form and then everyone will be happier!
  19. That Die Hard movie you’re about to watch? Yeah, Bruce Willis is going to fight some people, stop a bad guy from destroying the world and probably walk away from some explosions like a tough bad-ass. Look, now I just saved you four movies and the new one, A Good Day To Die Hard, coming out next year. Oh? That’s not why you enjoy watching a movie and I should probably just let you watch what you want like an adult? Okay. TC mark
image – Shutterstock

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  • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

    There is a tips for females coming up soon right?

    • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

      This was a response.

      • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

        I see! Thanks!

    • Yamel

      This is a response to the tips for females… -_- lol

  • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

    There is a tips for females coming up soon right?

  • http://twitter.com/mnguyen My Nguyen

    [standing ovation]

  • http://twitter.com/mnguyen My Nguyen

    [standing ovation]

  • http://raymondthimmes.com/ Raymond Thimmes

    Rules to live by! This was great. Really.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jesperdahl Jesper Dahl

    I think this was cute. Regardless of gender. I smiled a giggly-smile the entire time.

  • Will

    Yes ma’am!

  • Jenny

    Round of fucking applause

  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    Sigh.

  • hrfe

    Well this had quite a different tone from the female one…

  • http://twitter.com/monmongal Elizabeth Barclay

    Oh gosh, that is one of the most elegant “cans of whoopass” I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. Preach sister!

  • Llansford

    1 Tip for People in 2012:

    Stop making/reading gendered tips lists and do what you want

    • Anonymous

      That was the point of this, hopefully! Let’s end it now!

  • Anonymous

    I’m glad you posted an official and satisfying rebuttal Gaby! My friend wrote a response to the 19 tips for females article as well. Same general idea, but I would like to post just one of her tips for males to add along with these ones…

    “STOP thinking we don’t like to eat. We love to eat. Food is great. Bring on the cheese. All the cheese. Cheese is the way to our heart. Screw flowers.  “

  • Yamel

    LMAO!!!!! This was awesome. Especially because I read the tips for females and I thought, “hey!! I like videogames!! I’m not in that category!!” lol Awesome response.

  • fan club

    GABY you are my favourite on here, all the time, every time. 

    fuck that guy, you rule. 

  • Cassie

    Nah, enjoy the first Die Hard with him. Alan Rickman, yo. Alan Rickman.

  • Lak

    This.

  • Robbyking

    It sounds to me as though you misunderstood the tone of the original article.

  • http://mason-jar-memories.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    I love this, thank you so much. You’re my favorite.

  • Terra

    Wow. The tone for this one was of a scorned woman. Hell hath no fury. I’m aware it’s a response, but could you be any more angry and passive aggressive?

    • Anonymous

      I am the most angry! And I found this very aggressive! Thanks!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        Gaby-Hulk GRRR

      • Nika

        marry me (in some states, regardless of gender)

    • Nika

      what exactly is “passive aggressive” about it?  When she explicitly decries victim blaming and rape?  When she make, again, explicit sidenotes about how gender is not a litmus test of people’s decency or emotional needsd?  When she explicitly (surprise?) says things like “don’t” or “STOP” in all caps?  

      uhh…

    • http://devilgreen.deviantart.com/ Priyanka Sharma

      I agree, very intense indeed. Although, you might be overlooking the fact that she might have a reason for it. Or not. Just a wondering…

  • Blake

    How about this, we stop making gender specific rules, and rather “Rules for Being a Decent Human”?

    • http://twitter.com/Horse_Slums Ronan Conway

      nah actually let’s not erase criticism of men through forced ~gender neutrality~

      this was a great piece.

  • http://kharlamovaa.wordpress.com Arina Kharlamova

    GABY DUNN. YES, MA’AM.

  • Ev

    20. Stop making lists in retaliation to another one in an attempt to claim some sort of high ground on the whole male vs. female dichotomy. 

    I thought feminism was supposed to throw this battle to the wayside, not turn it into a literary pissing contest.

    • http://twitter.com/xsssy xsssy

       sentences that begin “i thought feminism was supposed to”

      ugh.

    • MJ

      Oh! Oh! This one was my favorite. 

    • beebop69

      oooooohhhhhhhhh you got BURNED BBBUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNEEEDDDD

    • Katie

      I think to read this article as an attempt to “claim high ground” on the male v. female dichotomy is a misunderstanding of the point: People of BOTH gender identities suffer from the constraints of the gender binary. It is the dichotomy itself that “feminism is supposed to” address.

  • Sarah

    This made me smile I think it is intelligent and funny. It shows feminism is not about hating men and both genders suffer from gender stereotypes. SUCH A SHAME that when I scrolled down to comment there was an advert for American Apparel stockings with a woman in a thong showing bare arse. xx

  • Anonymous

    Oh snap Gaby. This was good. Really good.

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