An Awkward Letter To My Best Friend(?)

Dear You,

I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve never found a way that didn’t make me sound really socially inept. Writing it to you in a public letter on a blog you read ranked only slightly above hiring a man with a megaphone to shout it at you as soon as you left your apartment in the morning. (I even considered buying one of those blimps with scrolling light-up text, but I don’t really have a lot of spare cash these days.)

What I mean to say is: I’m jealous of people who have one consistent best friend. I’ve never had that.

My best friends have always changed over time. There was Madison in second grade. I helped her plaster her bedroom walls in ‘Teen Beat’ Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters. She and I lost touch when I changed schools. Then, there was Matthew in fourth grade. We got into trouble with his mom for constantly trying to skateboard into his swimming pool after seeing ‘Jackass’ in theaters. We stopped being best friends when the hormones kicked in. There was Jessica in junior high. We’d climb out her bedroom window when her parents were asleep just to walk around her neighborhood. It felt freeing and dangerous and silly and bad. I still don’t know what happened with us.

There was Alex for a while, and Matt and Melissa and Caitlin and Cara and Joe. It’s a revolving door not unlike the companions in The Doctor’s TARDIS. No one ever stays.

When you make a new best friend in your 20s, you can’t just head over to Claire’s at the mall together and purchase a broken heart “Best Friends” necklace. You can’t just each wear one side and call it a day. In fact, the phrase itself sounds childish. “Best friend” above all other friends? What does that even mean when you’re an adult?

But, as embarrassing as it is, the point of this letter is for me to say, truthfully, “You’re my best friend!!”

Congratulations?

I knew I felt this way about you because you’re the person I’ll call first if I’m bored and just want to talk or if something good happens or if something really bad happens. You’re the person I immediately think will be the most fun to hang out with. You’re someone I feel like I could say anything to and would never be judged, someone without motivations or desire to backstab, someone cool and nice and smart and great. You’re someone I trust and someone I learn from and someone I enjoy. We haven’t known each other that long, but we’ve been through enough for me to know you’re a solid gold A+ human.

If this were kindergarten, I’d be sharing my blocks with you, buddy. I’m really excited about you because you seem so great! This is true friendship. Don’t you feel so alive?!

But I have concerns. Namely, I wondered: Should you tell someone that they’re your best friend? Is that weird? It feels strange to out of nowhere say, “Hey, you’re my best friend.” Where do you slip that into casual conversation?

It’s too vulnerable and genuine a proclamation for a generation that “likes” more than it actually loves.

Often people talk about when it’s appropriate to ask someone you’re hooking up with to define your relationship. It’s an awkward, but not completely unexpected conversation. Though what happens when the relationship is even less defined than that?

So uh, I guess what I’m asking is: Am I also your best friend?

Not that it matters. It doesn’t. This isn’t like a hook up where one side feeling more than the other can ruin things forever. We can be cool if you’ve got some other, older best friend or if you just aren’t ready for that sort of friend-mittment. We can see other friends. No big deal.

I just don’t want to lose you.

I don’t want you to become another name on the best friendship checklist.

I want to be the best friend that you call when you’ve met the right person for you in like, five years. I want you to be the best friend who plays with my future kids or cats or whatever I have. I want us to be the best friends that still talk when neither of us have teeth.

I’m getting ahead of myself and probably being really creepy. I do that sometimes. You know that already because we’re best(??) friends.

So do you maybe wanna grab a slice of pizza and see Drive this weekend?

Best friends forever?

Me TC mark

image – Lorraine Bruce

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • Greg Zaragoza

    I know exactly who I’d send this too.  And I like the use of “friend-mittment.”

    • Greg Zaragoza

      *facepalm* I can not believe I got “too” and “to” confused.  It’s early.

  • galwaygirl

    this is brilliant, considering sending it to my roommate right now. 

    • Anonymous

      Send it! I want to know how the best friends (?) respond!

      • Guest

        mine loved it. she told me i was hers too.

      • Anonymous

        Mission accomplished!

    • Anonymous

      Send it! I want to know how the best friends (?) respond!

  • Ella

    Wow I relate to this. 

  • yellow itsy bitsy

    I wrote about my sincere (platonic) love for my friend on my personal blog and my best (??) friend found it while using my computer. It was awkward for me, but she said she was really touched by it. So good for you!!  Hope the friend-mittment lasts.

  • yellow itsy bitsy

    I wrote about my sincere (platonic) love for my friend on my personal blog and my best (??) friend found it while using my computer. It was awkward for me, but she said she was really touched by it. So good for you!!  Hope the friend-mittment lasts.

  • Sophia

    oh my goodness i can relate to this so so so so so hard. one of my new favorite articles.

  • LA

    everything in the post is so relatable. going to show it to my best friend first thing tomorrow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    I loved this.  I never thought I’d find my best friend in graduate school, nor did I expect that I’d be writing to him daily for 9 months while he’s in Afghanistan…it’s a good feeling…more fulfilling than any relationship I’ve been in, sadly. 

    • Anonymous

      That’s the cutest thing I’ve heard in a while. Thank you for sharing it!

  • gkm

    Wow story of my life. This is great.

  • Robert L.

    This is amazing. I love it. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 11, though, but I’ve had many other close friends drift away so I know the feeling.

  • Robert L.

    This is amazing. I love it. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 11, though, but I’ve had many other close friends drift away so I know the feeling.

  • http://twitter.com/YocastaArias Yocasta Arias

    This over any other piece I’ve read on here

  • http://twitter.com/YocastaArias Yocasta Arias

    This over any other piece I’ve read on here

  • Megan

    awesome

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

    • Anonymous

      Be very grateful!

    • Anonymous

      Be very grateful!

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

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