My mom and I often have a discussion about my biggest strength and my biggest weakness, which happen to be the same thing. When I love, I love with my whole heart. I struggle to give people pieces of me without giving the whole thing. It is something I have to acknowledge and accept.
My struggle with this leads to me being passionate about everything I love. I don’t just love things, I obsess over how great they are. This leads to being heartbroken when I fall out of love with these things, because they aren’t what I think they are. I struggle with creating an image in my head of what things (or people) should be, and 95% of the time, they aren’t it. I think other people may deal with this as well, we want things to be good so we create an image in our head that they are meeting expectations, but they aren’t. We paint an image of what we want things to be and ignore as that painting cracks into reality.
They say no expectations insure no disappointments but how does one not create expectations? I love that phrase, but find it entirely impossible.
Coming back to reality is difficult but necessary, it creates almost a cloud, forcing me to reevaluate things to see if I am being realistic about my other passions as well.
I have a perfect example of this.
I absolutely love ice cream. I probably would eat ice cream in some form everyday if I could. You name it: milkshakes, ice cream cones, ice cream sandwiches, flurries, sundaes, you get the idea. One little problem; I’m lactose intolerant, ice cream makes me so nauseous it ruins my day. After having ice cream ruin my day a few (hundred) times I have finally accepted that ice cream is not my friend. I have medicine that stops milk from making me sick, but I am in denial that ice cream doesn’t love me as much as I love it. So I still ignore that ice cream hates me and indulge anyway.
I create the expectation that it won’t make me want to vomit everywhere, but it never fails, thus I am disappointed. I could have told you it was coming, but I am in denial. This happens in other situations that are a little more complicated and harder to handle.
I have a big heart and I accept that, I am just sick of ignoring the signs to take my mom’s advice: Always guard your heart.