When You Feel Your Pain Won’t End

Andrei Porfireanu

For the first time in a long while, things just feel right. The past few weeks have been messy as I’ve juggled my hectic workload together with my feelings, still raw from my latest heart break.

But now, I can feel grateful for all the encounters I’ve had with people I may never cross paths with again. I met people that taught me to keep moving forward in life, and I think even if my final destination wasn’t with them, their fleeting presence has steered me to the right direction. The current of life still hurts me but I’m slowly accepting its significance in the hopes that it’ll take me to where I wouldn’t have known I needed to be in, to someplace better.

The storm is over and I know there would soon be more I would have to weather. As things are finally settling down in their own place, I look back at those situations, people, that made me feel uncomfortable with my strengths and my entire being.

I wouldn’t have known then that I had the capacity to surpass them; but now, I come out a better person. I’m beginning to trust time and how it works differently for all of us. Tending to our wounds as we wait for healing takes time, and a lot of it, but the healing we need always comes.

It’s just that sometimes we don’t want to bear the pain in the process of healing that we never truly heal and get better; we may not feel the pain anymore, but in that way, we numb ourselves and take the longer route to growth.

I’m not saying that we revel in our own miseries, but I’m pointing out here that self-care is something we must not give up on. We must be gentle with ourselves the way we are forgiving to a lover or a friend.

It’s the little steps we take that lead us to the bigger places we dream of. We can’t give to the world what we can’t give ourselves so it’s necessary to be patient and make sure that we ourselves are okay first before we make anything or anyone else okay. Time does heal, but there is no definite date or condition that marks our full recovery.

As we wait, we need to remember ourselves. We can talk to someone that understands, or seek comfort in another person’s warmth; but ultimately, healing comes from within as we learn to come to terms with ourselves.

I can’t tell either whether I’m really healed or not, all I know now is that things are starting to feel right and I can now laugh without the past constantly reminding me of how much it had hurt. TC mark

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