An Open Letter To My Best Friend’s Fiancé

Flickr / Matthew Faltz
Flickr / Matthew Faltz

My feelings towards you used to be so simple. I thought you were a nice guy. But since you started dating my best friend, my feelings have become a million times more complicated. On the one hand, I feel affectionate towards you because she loves you, but on the other hand, I feel suspicious and critical of your every move and action. Because you carry a lot of responsibility now: her heart. She has given her heart to you and poured out love and commitment.

But I knew her heart before you did. She was my best friend way before you even entered the picture. I know that as things continue to progress, you will know her on intimate levels that I will never reach, and you will share special secrets that I will never hear. But I have witnessed her friendship, her love, her compassion, her generosity, her thoughtfulness. I know her character well enough to share with you some thoughts from the perspective of her Best Friend.

I know that you are always in the back of her mind, and often in the forefront. When she’s in class, robotically taking notes, she is actually thinking of you. Daydreaming about being with you. She’s making mental lists of the ways to make you feel special, of the reasons why she loves you.

I know that she finds a reason to think of you in everything. Whether she’s in the cauliflower section of the grocery store, or listening to music alone in her room—everything makes her think of you. Everything makes her smile now because the world has become one big reminder that you two share love.

I know that she falls asleep thinking of you, and that you are her first thought in the morning. I know that it’s easier for her to get out of bed in the morning, knowing that she faces Another Day of You. I know she has lost interest in things that don’t include you, and everything else makes her a little bit bored, because she has to concentrate on not thinking about you.

I know that you are her first prayer. I know that praying for you is as effortless as breathing for her. I know that her conversations with God have become more lighthearted because she confides her feminine visions of your future together.

Her identity is less my best friend or her mother’s daughter, and more the Love of Your Life. So much of her heart is invested in you that’s it’s practically not even hers anymore. She wants her life to be yours, and I know that she feels nothing but growing old with you will satisfy her or make her happy.

The heart that feels all these little hopes, dreams, intimacies, and joys is a beautiful one. The heart that loves to listen to your grievances, comfort you through stress, encourage you to succeed, and affirm your goodness is a heart that has already been appreciated and cherished by many a soul before you. You cannot imagine how lucky you are that my best friend has chosen you as the person she loves to care for above all others. You are at the top of her priority list. Her heart is stitched together with love for you.

I want you to know that the secret to keeping romance alive throughout long-term commitment is to never take my best friend for granted. Never stop getting to know her; her thoughts, her feelings, her worries, her cares, her delights. Know that her love is a gift, and that she views your love as the greatest blessing that has ever happened to her.

Know that I am rooting for you both, as a couple. I am keeping you in my thoughts through the best of times and the worst of times. One of these days, I want to see an elderly couple holding hands and realize it’s you and my best friend, still so in love.

But above all, know that I will chop your balls off if you ever forget the beauty of her heart, the kindness of her thoughts, or the generosity of her nature.

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