The holidays are upon us, and soon you’ll have to cram everything that makes you look like you “woke up like this,” into a 22” x 14” x 9” suitcase and pray to Beyonce that your toiletries are FDA-approved.
You’re not going on family vacation. You have student debt after all. You’re an adult now! You’re traveling un-chaperoned with a boy. Not just any boy. A boy you like.
This might even be a… sexcation.
Sex-cation (n.) A period of time (usually a long weekend) when two consulting adults spend most of their time either in bed or eating Insta-worthy food.
Without divulging into too much detail about my own personal life (which, according to my mother, I definitely do too much and this is why I am perpetually single), here are the Cliff’s Notes: I spent a long weekend with a guy (crush), and for the first time in my life, traveled across the country with just a carry-on. No checked bag.
HOW DID I DO IT?! And how do you “hide the high maintenance”?
Cut to day two of “Sexcation”:
My clothes are scattered around his room. He’s watching me. I’m assuming he’s judging me (he’s not).
I suddenly can’t take it any more.
“I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!” I exhale.
He looks at me perplexed, probably thinking that inviting me to stay with him was a huge mistake. “What kind of girl?” he calmly asks.
“Low-maintenance,” I sulk.
“I know,” he laughs.
Well, since I know nothing, I polled a group of friends, family, and passers-by on what to pack for a hopeful “sexcation” in combination with my experience from that weekend. Here’s what I uncovered:
1. DO pack lingerie.
“Yes, you definitely need lingerie.” — Sales associate at Anthropologie, trying to sell me lingerie.
Why not?! A lady should own a cute nightie, if not for someone else’s visual benefit, to simply make you feel sexy. You earned it! You’ve been wearing those skinny jeans all day — skinny jeans that have engraved their side pocket outline into the spot where you hipbones once poked out. You need to hide that, stat. So go with something effortlessly seductive that’s also comfortable to sleep in. But be careful: there’s a fine line between “nightie” and “cocktail dress.” Unless that’s what you were going for…
2. DON’T tell the other person you bought lingerie specifically for them
“Wear lingerie, but don’t make it into a whole production.” — My neighbor Joye
Remember that Sex & The City episode where Carrie gets lingerie for her date with Berger? But she gets really drunk off happy hour margaritas, and when she tries to put it on, it’s anything but sexy. Not to mention Berger is really confused by her furry stilettos.
DON’T BE DRUNK CARRIE.
This is what makes lingerie awkward. If it’s not a bra and underwear set (i.e., something you can actually wear under your clothes) how do you discretely put it on? If only life was like the movies and you could magically transform yourself into a Victoria’s Secret model while the other person brushes their teeth.
But life isn’t the movies. Life is the buzz off Stellas and the hunt for your “sexy ensemble.” Good luck.
3. DO bring a hat.
“Hats are great for airports. You might even get mistaken for a celebrity.” — My friend Amy
Hats are great way to appear low-maintenance, like drinking beer and cheering along with the big game. Not to mention, hats are a great way to conserve your Dry Bar blowout while making you look just like Jessica Alba grabbing some coffee.
4. DON’T tell them you don’t follow the sports team on your hat.
“You can at least pretend you like baseball.” — My dad
If you’ve opted for a sports hat, don’t tell him you don’t follow that team or any sports for that matter. You just brought a Yankees hat ‘cause WHEN IN NEW YORK, RIGHT?
5. DO bring options.
”An adventure awaits you.” — A fortune cookie
So be ready for anything. Something casual. Something sporty. Something dressy. Something that doesn’t make you look like a hot mess.
Here are some ideas:
- 1 pair of “please be my boyfriend” jeans
- 1 “vintage” shirt of a band that you better be able to name at least one song from
- 1 “I swear I’m easygoing” sweatshirt
- 1 pair of “Is he taller than me? I forget” boots
- 1 bag of “I swear I woke up like this” makeup
6. DON’T overpack
“There’s no way you’re going to fit all of that into a carry-on. Make a list!” — My mom
This is really hard for me to say, but…
… my mom was right. Lists help.
I hope this was helpful. If not, I believe it was the great Aaliyah who sang, “If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again, try again.”
I probably shouldn’t have quoted Aaliyah before you board an airplane.
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