I’m Not Just A Convenience To You Anymore

Convenient. That’s what I was to you. You got comfortable with me, knowing that I am the type of person that will always be there, rain or shine. You were comfortable dumping your problems and issues onto me because you knew that I would give you the attention and time that you were so desperate for. You got too comfortable with me, though. You took advantage of me. Everything was always about you. Everything was in your hands. It was never about me.

You opened up to me, and I did the same. I let you in, telling you things that I would never tell anyone.

What did you mean when you said you simply cared about me? That when you said you were starting to having feelings for me, it didn’t really mean you were. Everything you said, all the texts and conversations, was just a facade to make sure I was going to stick around? Were you telling me the things I wanted to hear just so you could have me around when you needed me?

I am so over the fact that you think I am just going to be some girl that will be there for you when it’s convenient and on your terms. I am so over the fact that you think someone will always be there, even when you constantly treat them like they are nothing. I didn’t tell you I wanted nothing to do with you to spite you; I did it because it was an opportunity where I could make the decision for the both of us. It’s no longer just about you, it’s about me. I was the one who put in so much time and energy. I put in the dedication. It’s my turn to be selfish. It’s my turn to walk away from someone who made me feel used and taken for granted.

You strung me along for too long, but I am finally happy that I realized my worth. I don’t deserve someone who tells me one thing one day, then says the opposite the next. I deserve consistency and the same energy that I give.

In all honesty, I feel sorry for you. You had it. I never asked you to commit to me and never asked too much of you. I was there on the days where you thought you had no one.

A friend told me that I shouldn’t be mad that you didn’t realize what I did for you, but I should be proud of myself for being there for someone and putting them ahead of myself. I did those things because that’s the type of person I am. I put others before myself because sometimes making others happy is better than doing something for myself.

Nevertheless, I want what’s best for you. However, I also want what’s best for me, and I finally realize that it isn’t you.