Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard.
Contrary to popular belief, falling in love is no easy task. The confusion of whether the guy likes you is unparalleled. The back-and-forth over whether his actions mean something or not is huge. The pain of missing him is just beyond one’s imagination.
But why do we fall in love?
I started liking you because of our physical and emotional connection. We talked about everything and anything under the sun. You’ve shared things I never expected to hear, knowing our status.
Your smile makes me tremble. Your lips makes me laugh hard. Your hug makes me safe and peaceful. If we were to be seen, it would seem like we are the perfect couple. Two people, binded by love and joy. It is the greatest story possible. A world where we cherish each other through love, patience, and understanding.
But then again, everything we see of others is just the tip of the iceberg. Somewhere in that happiness is the indescribable pain that I endure.
Behind our sweetest moments are my untold fears. The underlying truth is somehow crushing me in every bit of it. I will never be the one for you. It seems like a cliche, but the fact is I felt it for months now. I will never be the one that will be in bed with you and hug you while we sleep. I will never be the face that you will see once you wake up. Nor will I be the person that will cook breakfast for you. Or even the one that you would talk to about your day or the stresses of your work.
I’m just, and always will be, your second option.
The one you call when no one is around; when you need company in the middle of the night. Or simply because you are fed up with the normal faces in your life. I am the guy in the dark. The kept one, who is hiding inside your closet. The only person that will never meet your family and friends.
Ironically, even when everything seems to fall into place, I will still be the mannequin with no face. Even the greatest feeling cannot change our situation. Until now, I cannot understand why such things are happening. I cannot understand what is stopping us from going to the next phase of our relationship and letting each other feel what our hearts are telling us.
But I guess it’s kinda late now. The time has come, and we broke each other already. You broke me already. That is why I am letting you go. Because my love is not to be kept in your pocket. My feelings are not for ‘second best.’ My sincerity and commitment goes beyond secrecy. I am letting you go because in the process, I am letting myself go.